


Ripple Effect

by velociraptors



Category: Free!
Genre: Birthday, Birthday Presents, Birthday Sex, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, M/M, POV Alternating, Porn with Feelings, Tenderness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 04:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2415344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velociraptors/pseuds/velociraptors
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Sousuke celebrates his birthday throughout the years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sousuke's 18th Birthday

It's a milestone, the turning point in a person's life where they open the door into the long-awaited future, and with spring and graduation looming, it's understandably a tense time. Rin's birthday usually falls during an even worse time, right before everyone parts ways and in the middle of winter, but Sousuke still has a few months before he has to decide anything officially. He can spend his own birthday in relative peace. 

Or at least he would have, if he hadn't elected to have surgery for his torn tendon at the time. Rin understands why it couldn't wait, and he's also aware of how crucial it is to fix the issue before it worsens. At the same time, it's hard to see his friend lying on a hospital bed, looking too pale -near death if he wants to exaggerate- with a tube in his arm. 

The surgery had been a success according to the doctor, and he's sure with enough therapy and rehabilitative exercise, Sousuke will regain some flexibility in his shoulders. Now, it's not for certain how well he'll be able to swim or how long the healing process will take, but Sousuke had promised him he'd stick through it. He swore he'd pour himself into it this time and not run away and let things devolve into such a critical point where he'd nearly lose mobility like before.

It had scared Rin, haunted him to the point where he couldn't sleep for nights, thinking it had somehow been his fault. Even if he knows that it was fundamentally Sousuke's choice to do this to himself, he knew he'd played a role in it by not noticing sooner and by blinding himself to all of the signs beforehand. Maybe if he'd contacted him in those five years they were apart, things would have played out differently. Maybe he could have helped him a lot sooner, and in turn, Sousuke could have helped him when he'd been feeling lost.

The whole time, he thought a single relay could fix things like it had for him, but he was wrong. He was _too wrong_ , and the memories of the warm tear tracks on his cheeks isn't something he's yet forgotten because he's relived the sensation nearly every night since he found out. However, he doesn't let the tears fall when he's in front of Sousuke's body, instead holding a simple box with a red ribbon tied on it and smiling as he walks further into the room, ignoring the immediate shock that always strikes him when he visits. The sight of Sousuke looking that weak and powerless isn't something he'd ever expected to see, not after witnessing how much strength he once carried and pushed forward from his shoulders when he swam. Even Rin could only dream of reaching the same height while vaulting out of the water, and his knuckles turn white whenever he squeezes his hands by his side, thinking that Sousuke might never soar that far again. It's always too hard to hold it together now, but he wants to be strong for Sousuke and to become someone he can rely on. 

Momo and Ai hover around the other side of the hospital bed from him as he approaches the stack of gifts in the corner of Sousuke's room. Momo immediately launches himself into an animated monologue for Sousuke about all the antics he's been missing out on in swim club, boasting about his amazing times and how better he's getting at other styles. He also holds out a bunch of vouchers for free cheeseburgers at the local burger joint near their campus. 

"Happy Birthday, Yamazaki-senpai!!" he finally announces happily, "Rin-senpai said he'd make me do extra laps if I didn't bring you something, so here you go." 

Well, at least it's something… he doesn't expect someone who doesn't have a job or a lot of money to buy anything fancy, and Sousuke looks surprisingly touched. Ai gives him a box of assorted mochi and apologizes for disturbing him. 

"It's fine," Sousuke says in return, though his eyes look hazier than usual, and he's wearing a groggy expression that Rin assumes is the result of the steady stream of pain killers in his system. He must have been sleeping before they arrived. 

"Has anyone been by to see you today?" Rin asks curiously.

In response, Sousuke points to the stack of gifts with his chin. 

"My parents and your sister," he answers quietly, and Rin assumes the whale-shark plush doll and the giant tub of protein powder are the products of Gou's visit. 

She had texted him earlier that week while trying to think of something to get Sousuke, and Rin had mentioned Sousuke's shared preference for sharks. However, he hadn't expected her to get him a stuffed animal, of all things. He can't imagine Sousuke even owning one, but if it's from Gou, he wouldn't throw it out. He's surprisingly chivalrous like that. 

The protein powder is probably to help preserve the size and shape of Sousuke's 'god-tier' muscles, which is again, a very Gou thing to give. Rin shakes his head at the sight of it before absently sifting through the other gifts. His parents appear to have gotten him practical things like clothes and towels, though his mother also left him a bouquet of bright blue peonies. The card mentions that it's supposed to mean good health in flower language, and she thought the fragrance would spruce up the hospital room a bit. 

Rin chuckles a little as he reads it before telling Sousuke, "You're being majorly spoiled today. You can try wiping off that sour face of yours." 

"It's a tired face. Not a sour one. How else am I supposed to react? You guys interrupted my nap." 

Nitori immediately starts apologizing while Momo has long since given up on caring when it comes to intruding on anyone's private space. Instead, he's playing with the equipment and liberally pressing buttons, something that he only abandons when Rin grabs him in a headlock and pulls him away. 

"Stop that! That's not a toy!" 

"But I wanted to find out what was making-ack!" He flails when Rin tightens his hold on him, and he tries desperately to escape the crushing force of his arm. 

It quickly becomes apparent that having Momo and Ai here is more stressful than pleasant for Sousuke, and Rin keeps trying to reconnect all the wires back to their original configuration before ordering Ai to take Momo somewhere far away and put some food in him before he has to put up with him whining about being hungry the whole train ride home. 

" _Out_ ," Rin emphasizes as he practically pushes them out of the room, and he hears Sousuke laugh softly from his bed. 

"They weren't bothering me that much, Rin." 

"Yeah, that's because you didn't have to deal with this on the way here, but they insisted on coming when I mentioned I was going to visit you." 

He hadn't wanted to bring them with him originally if only because he picked out something a little embarrassing for Sousuke, and he felt a little self-conscious giving it to him in front of everyone. It wasn't all that expensive, but it is a little personal. He was hoping he could cheer the guy up a little by reminding him this isn't the end for him. The door is still wide open for him. That's always been what Rin's believed. 

His eyes are averted as he nudges the box into Sousuke's hands. "Happy Birthday, Sousuke," he murmurs quietly, and Sousuke actually looks dumbstruck. 

Did he really think he wouldn't get him anything? Geez, this guy… Rin shakes his head and nudges him on the arm. "Don't just stare at the box. _Open it_." 

"Rin, you didn't have to…" 

Yeah, yeah. But he _wanted_ to. 

He watches Sousuke as he fiddles with the ribbon before opening the box and taking out a chain and ribbon bracelet with two pendants hanging from it, one a shark and the other a whale shark. He stares at it like he's holding something radioactive, and Rin points to the tiny inscription on the back of the whale shark while feeling his cheeks heat up faintly. 

"Towards our dream…," he reads softly, and his eyes are wide and child-like as though he's finally starting to get that there's something more laid out before them, something infinitely more powerful and special waiting for them than the Olympics. Rin's own hand is carrying an identical bracelet that's shrouded under his sweater, and he flashes it briefly at Sousuke, hoping he doesn't think it's an absurd and overly cheesy gesture. It's not like he'd do this for just anyone. 

The fact that Sousuke's smiling as brightly and unrestrained as he used to when they were younger does make everything worth it. 

"Thank you, Rin." 

Rin shrugs as his own fingers crawl to the back of his neck, his earlier self-consciousness surging again. It was the first thing he could think of to cheer Sousuke up a little after this whole ordeal, but he didn't do it to ease the guilt from his heart. He did it because this person right here means more to him than any bracelet is ever going to spell out for him. One day, he'll find a way to prove it to him properly, but this is a start. 

"It was nothing. I know you don't like wearing that much jewelry, so don't feel obligated to wear it. Just keep it around." 

"No, I'll wear it," Sousuke says immediately, almost cutting him off. "Besides, I know you'll get mopey if I don't." 

Rin scoffs. "I won't get mopey. I said it's not that big of a deal." 

Sousuke seems wholly unconvinced of that fact, and he shakes his head before reaching out a little with the arm that's currently not bandaged up to brush his fingers against his. His smile is softer now, something that reaches his eyes completely, and Rin can't stop staring for the life of him because he's finally seeing and understanding the way that Sousuke looks at him. 

_'Am I looking at you like that, too?'_

He wants so badly to return the depth in Sousuke's eyes at that moment, and he lets their fingers very lightly move in between one another, loosely lacing together. The drumming beat of his heart picks up pace in that moment, but he doesn't get caught up in asking why, only letting it go on and on until he hears sneakers squeaking down the hall a few minutes later.

Momo bursts in with a balloon he made out of latex glove to show them, and that's when Rin decides they should let Sousuke rest and get back to campus. He promises they'll return again tomorrow, and he tells Sousuke to get well quickly. They miss him. 

Sousuke nods once.

"I will."


	2. Sousuke's 19th Birthday

The train rattles uncomfortably as it speeds across the mountainside, and Rin's eyes remain staring out the window, following the scenery as it blurs by him. How ironic that it's him now traveling near eight hours from Narita Airport in Tokyo to get to Sousuke, but he had been hoping Sousuke could have improved enough to come to university with him. How naive that thought seems like now when Sousuke had been struggling just to even graduate with all of them with all the missed school days and the piles of homework and exams that resulted from those absences. His parents hired him tutors just to make sure he didn't fall behind, but in the end, his therapy required he stay put and that he doesn't push himself for several months doing anything strenuous. 

It's a pivotal time for muscle tissue to heal, and a torn tendon is one of the worst injuries for an athlete to deal with. This Rin knows, but the selfish side of him wanted to keep moving forward with Sousuke at his side instead of only being able to visit on occasion. He had competition after competition on top of a full credit load, and with all his scholarship money riding on the line, he couldn't afford to slip either in sports or academics. However, he's long since become someone who thrives under pressure instead of being crushed by it.

But it's lonely. That's something he found out too quickly when his new teammates came and went, none having had the lasting effect that his old teammates at Iwatobi and Samezuka had, especially Sousuke. 

Sure, there had been parties and casual outings, but none of those really amounted too much. Rin would find himself staring at his phone, fiddling around with it and fighting the urge to text. It's kind of pathetic to be homesick after all the times he left on his own, but he had even been getting excited over Gou's texts when normally they make him groan. 

It's why he'd been looking forward to this trip for the past few weeks, wanting to get away from life in Australia and all the teammates dragging him on group dates with girls that he'd try to act cool in front of. In the end, he couldn't make a connection because his heart had been too lukewarm. 

As much as he thrives on pressure, he also thrives on passion, and he can't help feeling a lot of times that he left it back in Iwatobi. There's something unmistakable about that place, the memories laced within, whether it be the quiet storm in Haru's cool stare or hearing the fiery chants of his old team from the stands. Among everything else, Sousuke's calm, sturdy presence has been one of the hardest things to live without after growing accustomed to it, and he had sworn to himself a thousand times that he wouldn't let five years without contact pass by again. Even if he has to force himself to take a break, he'll come and find him and remind him that there's a dream that's still within reach for Sousuke. 

Rin's also starting to believe that his own dream won't stop at the Olympics. 

The arrival announcement goes off overhead mid-thought, and Rin picks up the faint traces of the town name before he realizes this is his stop. He gives the old lady next to him an embarrassed look as he scrambles out of his chair and grabs his duffle bag from the racks above them. 

His arm narrowly stops the sliding doors from shutting, and he manages to slip out when they open again, pushing himself onto the platform. Sousuke is already standing there and looking like he wants to shake his head at him. 

"Don't tell me you dozed off in there." 

Rin's leg immediately digs into Sousuke's calf while fixing a scowl in his direction. "I was just distracted. That's all." 

Sousuke snorts gently, and Rin pauses to take a step back and get a better look at him. He does look a lot better than he last remembers him since he'd lost a ton of weight from not being able to exercise regularly and from the loss of appetite that had come with the surgery. It looks like he's back to his usual routine. Somewhat, at least. 

Rin's more proud of him than he'll ever admit, and he keeps a tight grip on his duffel bag as he follows him. Sousuke's living at home again with his parents for the time being, so there isn't much space for him which means having to stay at his own place. It's always weird to return to his old room and to see all the pictures from when they were kids. The Iwatobi SC dolphin is sitting on top of one of his shelves now next to a picture from elementary school with him, Haru, Makoto, and Nagisa. Next to that is a class picture from Sano with his arm thrown around Sousuke and Kisumi flanking him on his other side. The two of them are grinning while Sousuke looks mildly irritated about having to take the photo to begin with. He's still not that big on being behind the lens even in this day and age if half of Rin's phone pictures are anything to go by. 

"I can't believe you kept that," Sousuke grumbles while sitting on Rin's desk chair. 

"Are you kidding me? I kept everything from our school days. I needed photos to tease you with when you got old enough to start regretting them." 

"I have a few of you looking pretty terrible, too." 

Just to prove his words, he whips out his phone and flashes one of Rin passed out on his bunk last year with his earbud dangling from one ear, one of his legs hanging off the bed, and a good pile of drool on his pillow. To top it all off, Momo's hanging over him with the whale shark plush toy that Gou gave to Sousuke trapped his fingers and hovering over Rin's forehead. 

"Why did you keep letting him into our room while I slept??" his hands are already launching outwards to grab Sousuke's phone so he can delete that one into oblivion. No one needs to see that. 

Sousuke, being the overly tall giant that he is, only needs to raise his arm to keep it from his grip, though he notices Sousuke doesn't lift it all the way, which prompts Rin to give up chase and not make him injure himself again. 

"I didn't let him into our room. He just barged in like usual."

"And you took advantage of the situation to take a picture of me!" 

"How often do I get to see you looking that bad?" 

Rin's beginning to reevaluate his earlier excitement in coming here, remembering that occasionally Sousuke likes getting under his skin as much as he does Sousuke's. At any rate, he's going to have to get that phone at some point and erase that image. 

Whatever he planned on saying next is cut off when he hears the front door open, and a pair of steps bounding up the stairs. Seconds later, Gou is rushing into his room and looking at Rin accusingly. 

"How come you didn't tell me you were coming back today!? I could have met you at the train station!" 

"It's fine," Sousuke interrupts, "I picked him up and walked him here." 

Gou immediately tenses up and glances at Sousuke, realizing belatedly that he'd been sitting there during her outburst. She quickly looks flustered and apologizes, "Sousuke! I didn't know you were coming by, either! How come the two of you never tell me anything more?"

Her cheeks puff out a little as she places her hands on her hips, staring them both down as though she was the tallest one in the room. "I haven't even had time to wrap up your birthday present or _Onii-chan_ 's coming home present." 

"You didn't have to get me anything," Rin interrupts, wondering what the big deal is. Sure, it's his first time coming home after moving away, but that doesn't warrant anything special. He won't protest Sousuke being spoiled, though. 

"Too bad. I got you both something, so you're going to have to enjoy it, and don't think you're worming your way out of dinner with me." 

Her face is as determined and resolute as ever, enough to make Rin a little proud. He guesses being team manager at Iwatobi has given her an extra backbone, but she probably needs it now that she's dealing with Rei and Nagisa without Makoto acting as the resident voice of calmness and reason. 

"Wait right here," she commands them before darting out of the room.

She returns a few minutes later holding two boxes. One has a leather braided ankle bracelet with shells woven in for Rin, and the other has a nice teal-colored winter scarf which Gou happily drapes around Sousuke's neck.

"Do you like it?" 

"It's nice," Sousuke admits as he runs his hand down the material. It's then that Rin spots the bracelet he gave to Sousuke last year dangling off his wrist, and he smiles in spite of himself, wondering if Sousuke just wore it today to make him feel better or if he's actually been wearing it regularly while he's gone. It'd be too awkward to ask now, but at least, he remembered it.

Gou doesn't give them much time to rest after, practically dragging the two of them out to a movie and dinner afterwards. The two siblings then conspire to split all of Sousuke's costs between them, spoiling him rotten for the day in spite of the fact that Sousuke keeps protesting as he tries to steal the bill from Rin who's holding it far out of his reach.

"You guys really don't have to. I'm not strapped for cash. I've been doing part-time work at my dad's place." 

Rin blinks at that before nudging Sousuke's leg with his own.

"Only part-time? What else are you up to?" 

Sousuke shrugs. "I've been taking classes at the local college, too. Hopefully, I can earn a scholarship with my studies to go to a big university for my last two years." 

Something about those somber words feels like a punch in the gut because Sousuke could have gone with him so easily. He could have had everything planned before, as well -a school picked out, a swimming scholarship waiting for him, a free ride to his dreams. It had been snatched away too abruptly, and he can still see how much it bothers him to think about it each time. Now, Rin's the one living out that dream alone, but he's sure it won't be like that forever. Sousuke promised he'd fight to do something he really wants with his life and that he wouldn't give up. 

Rin wants to believe he's really trying. 

"What were you thinking of studying?" Rin asks softly, absently swirling the ice cubes in his glass to distract himself from looking too intently in Sousuke's direction.

"Probably medicine. I don't know yet, but I've been researching a lot on my own." 

"You'd be a great doctor!" Gou chimes in, "or you can even go into sports medicine and help out all kinds of athletes. Imagine getting to be up, close, and personal with all their bodies. Putting your hands on their deltoids and slowly applying pressure with your fingertips…"

Her hands are in the air, miming the motions, and Rin's pretty sure she just left this conversation and ended up in a whole other place he doesn't want to think about. He's also not sure what to do with the visual of Sousuke fondling anyone's deltoids. He'll leave that one in Gou's hands for now. 

"Come on," Rin says after a moment, finally standing up, "let's spend the last few hours of your birthday by the pier." 

They used to play there often as kids, so he figured it'd be nice to visit once more. If they look out far enough, they can pick out his own family's gravestones, so maybe, he can even greet his father. Gou heads home for the night, waving to them and telling them not to stay out too late while they head to the pier by foot. Since it's September, the weather's already crisp and starting to cool down, leaving a nice breeze as they walk closer to the water. They both end up sitting side-by-side at the edge with their legs dangling, and Rin can feel the heat of Sousuke's hand settled next to his own so comfortably and casually that it makes Rin wonder if Sousuke's at all aware of their proximity.

He's too attuned to it himself, feeling his body react unconsciously to every twitch and shift of Sousuke's while staring at his profile at the corner of his eye, and the slowly dipping sunset paints his eyes a fiery color that's hard to look away from. There's still a quiet passion behind them even if Rin struggles to figure out what it is exactly they're yearning for now. 

"I want to join you over there one day, Rin," Sousuke says looking thoughtfully out into the water, "even if it can't be for swimming. I want to go somewhere-" 

_'-with you.'_ Rin hears those words in his mind, and he feels his limbs being figuratively dipped in warm water. His whole body is strangely flushed, and he tries to pass it off as the sun's dying rays brushing over his skin. He wishes he could tell him how happy those words make him without devolving into something utterly sappy. It's hard to look cool when he's grinning down at himself, and his fingers bump a little more noticeably against Sousuke's. 

"Then do it. Come with me." 

_'I'll wait for you.'_

He hopes Sousuke hears his own unspoken words from not too long ago, though it's nice when he smiles earnestly in his direction, his eyelids lowering slightly, and Rin thinks this is the image he'd like to latch onto for the months when they're apart. He'll eagerly remember the times when he's looking grumpy or silly, but it's the moments when he's smiling in his direction without fear, hesitation, or uncertainty of the future that remind him that he can't let Sousuke give up on their dream.


	3. Sousuke's 20th Birthday

It's Sousuke who visits him in Australia this time, standing the center of his room with one of Rin's medals in hand. Rin still has the residual tan from being in Rio just a few months ago, and Sousuke has no qualms pointing out the map of freckles now littered on his shoulders from the heat. No amount of sunscreen could have protected him from the blazing Amazon sun, but Rin doesn't mind, unwilling to trade the experience of being down there and competing on such a large stage with all the world's eyes on him for anything else. It had been riveting, and he hasn't come down off that high in months, still wading inside a dreamscape while awake. 

He tries not to talk about it too much while Sousuke glances from photo to photo around his apartment, well aware how badly Sousuke had wanted to be there, too. It was never enough to watch it all on TV, and Rin wishes he could have at least flown him in to watch but Sousuke had exams to take care of and school. He's been constantly struggling to catch up and taking extra courses so he can graduate side-by-side with Rin instead of still being in school while Rin floats out even further from everyone's reach. 

It's a sentiment Rin recognizes even if he's been assuring him this whole time that he'll never be entirely out of Sousuke's reach. As long as he can manage, he wants to remain connected in some way. If not by train, by phone or Skype or anything really. He won't lose contact with him, and he aims to prove it for another year, wanting Sousuke to have the night of his life.

It's why he celebrates his 20th by taking him out with his friends to one of the local clubs to drink for the first time now that Sousuke's old enough, never mind that the drinking age in Australia is eighteen so he could have easily done this a lot sooner if Sousuke wanted. Rin drags Sousuke along with a large crowd and orders for the two of them, trying drink after drink and stealing sips from Sousuke's, who seems intent on filling himself with the same rum and cola concoction the whole night to avoid having to spend too long of a time deliberating. Rin's the more experimental one, picking out something new each time until he barely tastes his tongue. 

Time passes by quickly in a whirl of loud music blaring from every corner and the dizzying neon lights bursting around them as several bodies press together and move to make all sorts of sinuous shapes. One of the local girls from his history class tugs Rin out of his chair to get him to join, but he's barely in control of his limbs, feeling them move without him willing them at all. He might as well not be attached to the rest of himself for as much as he can maneuver his body at the moment, but he does glance over at his abandoned seat, spotting Sousuke just as he's tugged free by another girl he barely knows. He definitely doesn't remember her name, but she looks taken with Sousuke already, draping along his right arm as she drags him into the dance floor.

Now, there is something he never thought he'd see, but he's amused nonetheless because Sousuke has no rhythm outside of the pool and is still too stiff in spite of all the alcohol he's drank. It starts to matter less and less when he disappears inside the throng of people, grinding and pushing up against him, and Rin loses sight of him for a few hours until he's too tired to keep upright. It must be 3 a.m. in the morning by then, and he starts to look for him everywhere he can, only to find Sousuke sitting on one of the booths in the very back with the same girl from earlier clutching the hair on the back of his neck, fingers tightening around the strands to hold him hostage while she sucks on his mouth. 

Rin manages to feel embarrassed even though his world tilts violently for a moment, and his stomach clenches like it wants to squeeze all the alcohol out of his system. Fortunately, he manages to keep it down and only swallows thickly, letting the thumping bass drown out his thoughts. Maybe he'll just let Sousuke finish up here and have his fun. It's his birthday, right? He should be able to enjoy it however he wants. 

His steps feel like his shoes are being weighed down by lead, and he's trying to drag himself out quickly to get away from that sight, the one that stabs him right in the corneas when he reimagines Sousuke's bewildered expression and her soft, red-stained lips holding him captivated. His apartment's close. He can make it on his own. His vision keeps capsizing, but he'll be fine. _He just wants to leave right now._

He only has a few seconds to let that thought sink in before he faceplants into someone's chest. He's not expecting for it to be Sousuke who looks like he's equally put-out and ready to go home. 

"You okay, Rin?" 

"Ah," Rin replies, though he's laying heavily on Sousuke's chest and using his grip on his shirt to hold himself up. 

"I'll walk you home," he says after a moment, and he's the one who's practically dragging Rin all along the street and into a cab. The ride manages to be somewhat sobering as Rin rests in his seat and tries to ignore how dizzy the bright overhead lights outside make him. He doesn't say much because words are difficult to come by, but Sousuke lets him lean against him and he can almost swear Sousuke's arm is around him, pulling him into his own body. The streets are empty save for them, at least, so he enjoys the serenity after having had his ears assaulted with that loud, pulsing beat all night. 

He hopes Sousuke had a good time, though he frowns when he remembers that he'd been in the corner with that girl practically on his lap. He doesn't know why he gets the worst pain in his gut when he recalls it, but he straightens up after a moment and starts to move out of the cab. 

"How come you didn't got home with that girl?" his mouth finally blurts out even though his brain gave it no such permission. 

Sousuke shrugs and tightens his grip on Rin as he hauls him across the street to his apartment building. It's a four-story walk-up, nothing terrible fancy. The neighborhood is also quiet and still at this time of night, so they're the only ones making any noise as they climb flight after flight together. 

"She was totally your type!" Rin continues to insist, his words slurring slightly at the ends. 

"How would you know who's my type, Rin? You've never even asked." 

He has a point. Rin's never bothered to interrogate Sousuke on what type of girls he's liked or dated, if any at all. It's not that he hasn't been curious. It's just that it's awkward to talk about those things when his own experience has just been a few failed group dates that ended incredibly platonic because he hadn't been particularly interested in any of the girls his friends keep trying to set him up with. He was always making small judgments in his head like 'too soft-spoken,' 'too shy,' 'nothing in common,' and so on. 

"What if I'm asking you now?" Rin prods while being hauled by Sousuke up the last flight of stairs. 

He gives Sousuke some time to answer as he wrestles for the keys in his pocket while trying to remain upright. He manages to find them rather fast much to his own pleasant surprise, and he's pushing the key in the key hole when he hears Sousuke's thoughtful hum next to his ear.

"…probably a pushy, romantic swimming maniac." 

Those words make Rin freeze up right at the doorstep, his heart gluing itself to his rib cage as his eyes widen completely, and he abandons the last remnants of balance control and slides completely from Sousuke's grip. Even worse is the fact that he manages to drop down a little too hard on his right side, making him wince and immediately push out apologies left and right while trying to grab a hold of Sousuke's arm to tug himself back up. 

"Shit, I'm sorry! I'm-"

"Rin," Sousuke cuts off before sinking down on the ground next to him and shifting into a sitting position,"It's fine. Besides, I was only joking." 

His hand ruffles Rin's hair playfully, and he smiles it off like it's nothing but the smile doesn't reach his eyes. After failing to notice all the things that had been tearing Sousuke apart years ago, Rin had promised himself he wouldn't write off any more of those small details. It's why he latches onto his unharmonious expression and knocks Sousuke's hand away particularly hard. 

Sousuke instantly notices something is wrong and tenses up, watching him in alarm. "Rin?" 

The floorboards are painful under his knees when Rin pushes Sousuke on his back, and he blames the alcohol sloshing through his system for the fact that he keeps forgetting not to get too rough with him. He also blames it for the sudden surge of boldness that propels him forward until he's crawling over Sousuke and hovering just inches from his body. His face hangs too closely, the ends of his hair tickling Sousuke's cheek as he stares into his eyes and watches how Sousuke's pupils slowly enlarge under the dim lights of his apartment.

Sousuke's gone completely still by then, looking like he's holding his breath or getting ready to bolt as he stares up at him wide-eyed with alarm. 

"Rin?" he tries again, but Rin's brain has abandoned this conversation entirely, and he only responds by lowering his mouth until he's kissing the corner of Sousuke's lips, close to sloppily sliding off of them completely. 

It's a terrible kiss, and he realizes it the moment he does it. It really was a stupid idea, and he's mentally kicking himself for having that much to drink and for making Sousuke look up at him all confused like that. He immediately pulls away and flops down on his back, making a loud noise as he stretches out on the floor boards. The ceiling is spinning like crazy, and he's trying to figure out what to say to make the situation less awkward. He'd already wasted his apologies a few seconds ago, and he's sure it'd only sound insincere to the both of them at this point because the more he thinks on it…

…the more he realizes that he really wanted to kiss him a moment ago just to see if Sousuke was really lying about teasing him. More than that, he wanted to fluster him and make his expression burn savagely, if only for a second. 

"How do I look to you?" he suddenly asks, though he hadn't meant to say that out loud, either. 

"Huh?" is Sousuke's intelligent response as he turns his head to find him. His eyebrows are pinched together like he's trying to do long division in his head, but Rin keeps on going.

"My expression. What kind of face did I make? I want to match your look one day." 

The words make sense in his head, but when they come out, they're all distorted by all the things he hasn't figured out how to say. The verbal disarray ends up being too discordant to be put in a proper arrangement, and he is banking on the hope that Sousuke will be able to read between the lines and figure it all out somehow. 

Really, he just wants to know if there could ever be something more between them. If there's a deeper reason why Rin can't find happiness and elation with anyone else. A deeper reason why he hasn't been able to move on from Iwatobi in spite of winning medals and being launched into his ideal career. A part of him is still standing at the crossroads, waiting for Sousuke to catch up. 

There's a gentle shuffle as Sousuke sits up, and Rin can feel his eyes boring into his own closed ones, forgetting when he even shuttered them from the world. He thinks it was the spinning ceiling that got to him. It feels better not to look directly at it anymore, but Sousuke's voice is soft as his fingers touch his hair, brushing the strands away from his forehead. He can feel his cool fingertips where they follow the line of his nose before lingering on the edge of his lips.

"Rin, will you kiss me again when you're sober?"

One of Sousuke's hands cups his cheek, his thumb stretching out to press in between Rin's lips as Rin's eyes crack open to catch a bleary mental photo of him. He tries to hold onto it for as long as he can, but exhaustion settles over him like a heavy blanket. He can't stay up long enough to respond properly and tries to make himself remember to kiss him in the morning as he drifts off.


	4. Sousuke's 21st Birthday

It's nearly a year since they've been dating, which has been as awkward as could be expected given the length of time they've spent as friends. It's difficult for Rin to really separate both feelings for Sousuke when it feels as natural to kiss him as it does to kick him, but there are also times when he wants to draw a definitive line between their time as friends and their time as boyfriends, especially now that they're living together and attending the same university. The fact that they're under the same roof tends to feel like they're back in high school and living in a dorm, and as a result, Rin wants something more that pushes the two of them in the realm of something deep and intimate as opposed to the two of them hanging around together.

It's difficult to piece together his exact emotion until he realizes it's the very thing Sousuke is always teasing him about. He wants _romance_ , something that ignites his passion rather than letting it simmer in front of the TV while they both watch a few swim meets and dip their hands into the same popcorn bowl. He wants to know what it's like to be swept up by love and to fall flat on his back, watching the ceiling spin into a myriad of colors.

Of course, Sousuke, for all his quiet intensity, also has a rational personality that's at odds with Rin's more idealistic one, and Rin gets frustrated when he tries to plan a big dinner for his birthday at a nice restaurant and even suggests they get dressed up only to be met with Sousuke's protests that Rin shouldn't spend that much money or outdo himself. It's only a birthday after all. Not even an important one. 

Rin doesn't believe that. For him, all of Sousuke's birthdays hold meaning, and he doesn't know how hard he has to nail that fact into his brain before he gets it, but he tries to compromise. He tries as hard as he can even if he's terrible at it because he doesn't like doing things half-assed.

For him, it's always been all or nothing, but he _tries_. For Sousuke's sake.

So instead of going out into the world, he stays inside and prepares two beef cuts on the stove and a pile of plain rice because that's mostly what he knows how to make. He doesn't want to get too experimental and send Sousuke to the hospital with a case of food poisoning on his birthday, and the imported beef alone should indicate enough that this is something he's taking very seriously. To top it all off, he buys a small cupcake from that pastry shop near the but stop by their university. It's a quaint French-styled bakery that manages to make a decent dark chocolate and vanilla cream concoction, and Rin puts a tiny candle in it that he'll force Sousuke to blow out even if he has to hold him in a headlock to do it. 

Because - _damn it_ \- birthdays are special. 

And if it wasn't for last year's birthday, Rin might have never even figured out how he felt about the guy, though he hadn't really confessed until a few days after when he'd awkwardly blurted it out in the midst of an emotional word vomit while they were saying goodbye. He'd kissed Sousuke then right up against the very door to this apartment, fingers crushing the fabric of his shirt to stop from trembling as his mind had ran through a jungle of possibilities of how Sousuke would react.

In the end, Sousuke had dragged him closer, his palms cradling the small of his back, refusing to let him go like he was terrified he'd fly off again to another country if he did. He felt it in the weight of his grip -the extent of longing that Sousuke had for him. It hadn't been real until then and until Sousuke could bring himself to repeat the same words back at him except it seemed like Sousuke wanted this for a lot longer. 

For Rin, his own feelings seemed to have surged surreptitiously through high school and were nourished instead of depleted by their absence from one another, but Sousuke could trace his own feelings back to elementary school. It's why Rin wants so badly to make up for all those years were they weren't together and where he had been unconsciously making Sousuke wait for him to figure it all out. To think they could have been together like this for longer if only he didn't have a bad habit of taking things for granted. 

It's why he wants to make the moments where they are together worth everything and why he does't allow Sousuke escape when he gets home from his last class. Both his hands force Sousuke down onto the ground in front of the _kotatsu_ he insisted on buying from overseas, especially in preparation for the winter months. There is a single glass cup with a few flowers in it that he picked from outside for atmosphere, and Sousuke stares at them quizzically while his fingers brush along the petals.

"Didn't I tell you I didn't want to do anything special?" 

Rin heaves out an exasperated sigh. "Didn't I tell you I didn't care? I'm not going to let you spend your birthday melting on the couch, now eat." 

He shoves a plate in Sousuke's direction and steals one for himself before using a tiny remote to turn his iPod on from where it sits on his stereo. A soft song emanates from the speakers, something from a secret playlist he likes to listen to when he's finished with a hardcore workout, and Sousuke looks like he wants to tease him about it. Before he gets the chance, Rin shoves a piece of beef into Sousuke's mouth. 

"Mmmph!" is Sousuke's only response to that, and Rin mutters under his breath, "You're always so difficult about these things lately. Let me spoil you in return." 

There's a loud swallow from Sousuke's throat as he finishes chewing up the meat, and he sighs before saying,"I was going to say 'Thank you' this time. Even if you act like a lovesick fool, I don't always mind it." 

"Who's a lovesick fool? Isn't it normal to spoil someone on their birthday? It's not like you don't go out of your way to spoil me every other day of the year." 

That seems to get Sousuke to stop protesting through the rest of the meal, and Rin waits until he's done to grab the tiny cupcake he had stashed away, taking the time to light the little candle on top before setting it down in front of Sousuke. 

"Don't tell me you honestly want me to-" 

"Oh, for crying out loud-!" Rin interrupts before forcing Sousuke's head closer to the candle and narrowly avoiding burning him,"just blow it out and make a wish!" 

To his surprise, Sousuke does so without further provocation, and he smiles like he's ridiculously pleased with himself as he plucks the bottom of the candle out to lick the frosting off. 

"So what did you wish for?" Rin asks, curious where that expression came from. 

"It's a secret. It won't come true if I tell you." 

"That's just a dumb myth. Tell me," Rin insists, and he knocks his leg against Sousuke's, half-expecting him to actually tell him. 

"No." 

"What if we have a throw-down?"

"No." 

"What if I give you the rest of my beef?" 

"No." 

"Tch. Come on!" 

"Sorry, Rin," Sousuke says with a satisfied smirk, and he absently dips his fingers into the cupcake frosting to smear a bit on Rin's nose. Rin's face predictably wrinkles up, and he shoots him a glare while lifting a hand to swipe it off. Before he can, Sousuke grips his wrist easily in one hand, holding it captive as he licks it off.

The action takes Rin off-guard, wondering if the romantic atmosphere is finally starting to wear Sousuke down into some degree of complacency. Either way, he doesn't protest the way Sousuke's tongue on his skin makes his pulse shudder and pick up in rhythm, and he forgets how to breathe before deciding he's not letting Sousuke get away with things easily this time.

His own fingers scoop off a good helping of the cupcake frosting, and he smears it messily across Sousuke's mouth while his eyes widen in return.

"Rin, what are you-!" 

Rin's grin only intensifies as those fingers dip back into Sousuke's mouth, and he revels in the look of shock on Sousuke's features before he realizes Sousuke's tongue is curling around them and slipping up in between to clean up the frosting.

His mouth goes a little dry the more Sousuke sucks his fingers inside, lips tightening around his skin as his eyes seem to change tempo all of the sudden. Where they were surprised before, now they're sharp and narrowed like twin daggers piercing dangerously close to Rin as he stares down at him. The abrupt shift in gears is a little jarring, quickly destroying whatever this little game of theirs had intended to be. All Rin can feel is the warm texture of his tongue cradling his skin as Sousuke takes his fingers into his mouth as far as his knuckles. 

Heat curls violently across his stomach the longer he stays frozen in place watching Sousuke and wondering how this guy can easily switch from being unbearably sweet to completely merciless in a matter of seconds, and he knows that the moment left for him to pull away and retain some semblance of dignity is wasting away quickly the longer he sits there staring. His mind wants to capture this with obsessive fury, drowning in the darker color of Sousuke's eyes and the way his own body flushes warmly when the tip of his tongue presses between his fingers against the sensitive web of skin that threatens to make Rin weak-kneed.

He hates the feeling of losing his mental balance like this, the way his thighs crash together in the center, and his other hand reaches out to clutch the edge of the _kotatsu_ , tightening around it for a moment while he breathes. He only has a few seconds to force his fingers out, though the effects have reached his face, painting his cheeks brightly. 

"Take it easy, Sousuke." 

He wipes his fingers on a napkin, though Sousuke hasn't stopped looking at him like that as he licks the residual frosting from his own lips, and Rin's stomach doesn't want to stop flipping all over the place. He's pretty sure this guy will be the death of him one of these days, but he tries to recuperate quickly as he pushes the rest of the cupcake in Sousuke's direction. 

It goes entirely ignored when Sousuke cups the back of his neck and pulls his mouth down to his, holding it captive as his fingers press inwards against his skin. His tongue then pushes under his roughly, pressing it to the roof of his mouth and tickling the skin below until Rin's stomach starts to knot up even tighter. He feels the blood rushing through his head, the sudden air pressure that clogs his ears, and the way his center of gravity completely tips over in a flat second. There's nothing more holding him together than the tough grip on his neck, and Sousuke's tongue continues to chase his no matter how he tries to wriggle it free until he starts hearing himself pant loudly through his nose.

His chest is heaving outward rather visibly by then, and his heart is seizing forward without regard for the blood vessels that try to hold it still. It wants to escape in the fury of emotions running through him, and he ends up falling back without thinking. At the same time, Sousuke's hands have moved to his shoulders, gripping them harshly until he's pressed down on the rug, and he wants to say that it's too rough against his skin but he honestly doesn't care. His voice is too thickly lodged in his throat, and he's gripping Sousuke by the back of his shirt, twisting his fingers in to pull him on top until the weight of Sousuke's body threatens to crush him. 

He breaks the kiss to swallow air down greedily as he brushes a hand through Sousuke's short hair, watching his lips open and close as he breathes just as harshly and just as loudly as himself. There's something mesmerizing in the simple action, only ever catching him this winded when he's working out. To know he can elicit the same reaction with a simple kiss is unnervingly empowering, and every time Sousuke pushes him like this, he starts to wonder what other kind of responses he can rip free out of him. How far can he go? 

Sousuke's mind seems to be veering in the same direction as he grinds into his hips and suddenly draws Rin's hair away from his eyes and forehead so he can stare down at his face. 

"Do you want to stop?" he asks carefully, and Rin tries to think of a reason why they should, well aware of the weight of that question.

Even though they'd been living together for a few months now, they haven't exactly gone much further than trading hand jobs or rocking against each other through their clothes. It was exceedingly difficult getting over that friendship hurdle at times and becoming a real couple -the sort of couple that sleeps in the same bed, showers together, routinely has sex like it's as simple and casual as breathing. 

In spite of Rin's straightforward personality, he'd always been shy about the prospect of fitting together with another human being in _that way_ with no barriers left between them. Being inside someone, being the one to have someone inside of himself… he'd thought about it enough times to rub his own skin raw with his hand, but the reality of it is intimidating. The reality of it is revealing the most vulnerable parts of himself to another person, though if he were to pick someone in this whole universe he'd feel that comfortable with, Sousuke's naturally the top choice. He's cried enough times in front of him that there really isn't much left to hide, but he'd also pictured something a bit more epic to the act than lying on a decorative rug in their casual clothes with the taste of beef and cupcake frosting on both their breaths. 

He doesn't know if that makes it anticlimactic or just a reflection of the two of them and the reality of their relationship with one another, but the more he tosses the thought around in his head, the more he realizes that it _is_ Sousuke's birthday. If he wants to make it a special and unforgettable one, then it's a good time to try and move things forward. He also wants to see what kind of face Sousuke will look at him with when they're locked together in an inescapable embrace. 

His head turns to the side in the direction of his own bedroom, and he simply says, "Let's go." 

Sousuke actually looks shocked for a moment as Rin moves to stand up and grabs him by the wrist. His grip is gentle but assured as he pulls him into the bedroom and nears the bed, falling back on it. Sousuke's body collapses with him and collides awkwardly against him as the two of them shift so they're at the center of the bed. 

A hand brushes back his bangs again, and Sousuke looks down at him with softer and more earnest eyes than before. "Are you sure, Rin?" 

Rin nods, completely sure. "Ah. Go for it." 

He responds to Sousuke's mouth when it meets his once more, tasting him more tentatively than before as their lips part and smack together loudly while their tongues slip across one another. He feels the warm stretch of texture from Sousuke's curling gently around his own, easing him into a trance where he's lured in by the gentle touches and unexpected caresses they usually don't greet one another with.

There's something too careful about the way they're exploring each other now, and it partially distracts him from the hand pushing beneath his shirt and stretching out against the bottom of his rib cage, the touch so infinitely gentle that it tickles him slightly. He chuckles quietly into the kiss, and Sousuke smiles against his mouth as his hands push his shirt higher. Every movement remains slow and methodic, too cautious in the way they greet each other with their fingers, studying and learning as fast as they can. 

Rin's surprised by how much sheer control there is laced within Sousuke's movements, the way he deftly untangles clothes from both their bodies, leaving them all on the ground until there is nothing but skin in between, and the first time their bare flesh touches and _presses_ together leaves Rin's thoughts a tattered mess across his mind, haphazardly strewn about under the chaos that erupts from Sousuke's touch. His own hands struggle for something to grapple with, fingers blindly clutching all over the place to stay focused and stay leveled on this plane when he threatens to fall apart beneath the onslaught of Sousuke's hands which draw pretend pictures over his chest then trace along his hips until they grip his thighs and move them apart so he can fit himself in between as though they both lived as one solid being at one point. 

Rin recalls then, in the the wild haze of memories, about the Greek myth of humans having once existed with four arms and four legs, two halves that perfectly complimented one another. It seemed silly at first to imagine, but the gods had divided those humans in half, leaving them longing to find the one that would complete them. It's the sort of thing he ate up in secret, imagining that love would be the equivalent of two broken souls stitched back together, not quite as perfect as they once were but functional enough. He wonders if at this moment, Sousuke's own soul is reaching out to him, but he doesn't say it out loud because he knows Sousuke will laugh and tease him about it.

Even so, Rin's searching behind his eyes, trying to push passed the surface color to press in beneath and see if and how long he's been longing for him and for this kind of completion. His own body seems to desire it without question because even through the fear and hesitation, he's lifting his hips, pushing against him with every single cell demanding that Sousuke bury himself inside and never leave. It's a weird thought for even himself to comprehend, but the more Sousuke's expression burns into him, the more he wants to be the match that ignites it until he's completely engulfed. 

"You're too quiet," Sousuke whispers as he paints across Rin's lips with his thumb, smearing invisible paint across the edge of it while Rin's breaths grow ragged, and his hips slide forward, pushing against him very slowly until Rin can feel his hard cock slide right underneath his, drawing along the sensitive skin and provoking his own hips to rise higher off the bed to repeat the same reaction. 

"I was thinking." 

That draws a warm chuckle from Sousuke's lips, a sound that echoes down the length of Rin's spine as he shifts his legs to cradle Sousuke's cock closer to his body. 

"I must not be doing a good job if you still can," Sousuke jokes, and Rin wants to tell him that it's the opposite. It's because it feels too _good_ that his mind is tangling in on itself and unearthing the weirdest thoughts from places he'd buried them while he'd been on his own. Years ago, it felt like it would be near impossible to reach this precipice, and now that he's balancing on the edge of it, his body pulsing with something too raw and mind-numbing to be simply called need or desire. Those words might as well be a thoughtless arrangement of letters for as much use as they are to him at the moment, and he squeezes his legs unconsciously around Sousuke as he slips a hand between their bodies to reach for his cock and hold it there with a firm squeeze.

Sousuke's hips immediately respond with a sudden jerk, pushing back into him like he wants to tear out of that grip and find his way inside of him, but he's keeping himself steady, stubbornly holding onto a control that Rin wants to fray because that look in his eyes shouldn't be stagnant and confined. 

"Are you going to tell me what you were thinking about, at least?" 

The sound of Sousuke's breath being pulled out in every direction is addictive too, hearing the way it scatters everywhere between them as Rin absently reaches into the bedside table to grab a bottle of hand lotion because it's all he can think to use at the moment when neither of them had particularly planned this. 

"Guess," Rin challenges, and he squeezes lotion into his palm before wrapping his hand firmly around Sousuke's cock, cutting off any potential answers before they start.

Instead, he watches the pink color of Sousuke's mouth turn white when he presses his lips together, and the color in his eyes drowns in an even darker tone, something all-encompassing that Rin stares at in fascination as he moves his hand slickly across the length of his erection. He can feel it almost throb against his hand, can feel the veins protruding across the skin with the level of tension and desperation wrapped around it, and Rin's still wondering how he's holding back. It must be on his own behalf, but Rin doesn't want him to do that. He wants to see the fury and passion he once swam with, the beautiful lines he made surging free from the surface of water -wants to hear the way his harsh breaths had been ripped loose through the milliseconds they'd both be allotted in between strokes. That intensity is useless when tempered, and even though he's aware that Sousuke's shoulder is far from being in perfect condition, the more selfish part of himself wants to see him throw himself into this like there's nothing in the world that can restrain the fury of how much he wants this. 

His fingers stretch out over his cock and reach back further, the tips pushing right up into Sousuke's balls and massaging over the skin back and forth in a way that he normally uses to drive himself crazy. He doesn't stop until he's fully cupping him and lightly squeezing the skin with lotion-slick fingers, applying gentle pressure until Sousuke shudders with a hand fisted in the pillow by Rin's head while the other barely holds his weight up from crushing Rin. 

" _Rin_ ," he hisses, and his hand is knocked away from Sousuke's cock abruptly before Sousuke traps both his wrists over his head, holding him there tightly with enough strength to brand them with bruises. 

It's not something he should be taking pleasure in, but his own cock strains at the simple action, pushing up hard against Sousuke's hip as Rin swallows down a moan. If he keeps this up, he's sure Sousuke will start to wonder if he's lost his mind halfway through the night, but he's still testing the waters with him as much as he has been the past months, trying to see what else he can force Sousuke to reveal to him when they're at such a precarious point in their relationship.

"Don't tell me this is what you were thinking," Sousuke murmurs despondently, and he nudges his nose against Rin's cheek as he loosens his hands little by little. 

The moment Rin can move again, his hand draws away fast, pulling from Sousuke's so he can twist his fingers into Sousuke's hair and wrench him down to his own mouth. His teeth push into his bottom lip none too gently, pressing nearly to break the skin. The merciless is assault is greeted by Sousuke's wary expression, probably still trying to come up with a better answer. 

"Guess again," Rin whispers after he releases his lip. 

He's sure Sousuke is starting to reach the limit of his patience since he's the one jerking back to free himself this time and snatching the lotion so he can pour it onto his fingers. They then reach behind Rin's body, pressing into his backside more intrusively than Rin would like since Sousuke's fingers are big and roughly textured. 

" _Shit._ " 

He grits the word out and grips Sousuke's bicep, squeezing it savagely while glaring up at him. "That wasn't an invitation to go ahead without warning!" 

He'd kick him if he could, especially since Sousuke's only response is to laugh and slide his fingers deeper. "You were the one who was being secretive earlier. You were probably thinking something sappy that you were too embarrassed to say out loud." 

"Was not!" Rin shoots back even if that's the entire truth, and his words taper off into an in-drawn breath as Sousuke's fingers drive inside, and though he hasn't done this before, he's fairly certain two is a bit much to take at once. He wants to tell him that, but it gets harder to find his voice the more his fingers edge inwards, filling and stretching him, the heat of them burying inside thickly enough to make him wonder and worry how this would feel with Sousuke's cock.

While he's aware it's probably going to hurt more than this, he doesn't know if the levels would be unbearable or manageable, but he's conceding to the birthday boy's wish even if Sousuke's being somewhat of a pain in the moment. He thinks Sousuke's just covering up for the nervous tension that he won't allow himself to show because just as much as Rin is afraid of being hurt, Sousuke is probably ten times more afraid of hurting him. He's come to understand that well enough by now, so it becomes a game of whether or not he can hide his own pain better than Sousuke can hide his worry. If he wants to get Sousuke to unleash every part of himself on him, he's going to have to find a way to stop getting him to think he's fragile here. 

Unfortunately, all he can think of is the way Sousuke's gaze devours him and the untethered heat that fills his stomach when his fingers push too deeply into him and press up inside, forcing his body to buck up with unbridled fervor. He tries not to look as desperate as he feels, but the layers that compress his vulnerability into something invisible are being scraped away as are Sousuke's, and when Sousuke looks at him with those reverent eyes, he's still trying to find himself in the black pupils, unable to imagine how he greets that stare. Does he look as raw and bare as Sousuke does? Is he trembling as visibly? It does feel like his skin is erupting with minuscule earthquakes all over, and his head is spinning to the point where he's spreading himself more open unconsciously.

Something inside Sousuke snaps at that very moment, and he grabs his hips with brutal force while the head of his cock pushes against him, pressing inwards like it wants to split him in half. Rin feels the intense weight of him as he moves inside, inch by inch. It hurts enough even with all the lotion they used, and his eyes squeeze shut so tightly that he sees spots dance on the back of his eyelids from the pressure. 

Though he wants to stop and tell Sousuke to slow down, he doesn't, biting harshly into his own lower lip instead and forcing the words to stay in his throat. Luckily, Sousuke can read him well enough to know that he's uncomfortable, and he stops, though he can feel Sousuke's cock twitching inside with urgency and so much desire to move and to hit the same spots his fingers touched. Rin knows it can feel good, that it'll feel amazing and mind-blowing eventually, but reality is pressing pain into his nerve endings. The tight fit leaves him at a loss, and he's painting his own mouth red with bites until Sousuke reaches in between his legs to stroke him.

The rough, heated textured of his fingers force his lips apart at last, and he breathes out Sousuke's name like a dying wish, heaving it out of his throat while Sousuke's palm gradually cradles him. The pumping motion only exacerbates the amount of heat erupting between his legs and spiking through his body until he's clenching around him unconsciously and screwing himself down against Sousuke's cock, unconsciously forcing him in deeper. 

"Rin, relax," Sousuke pleads, and it sounds so strained and hoarse that Rin feels bad for making him stop earlier even if he hadn't said the words out loud. 

He tries to loosen his muscles enough to give Sousuke room to move again, and he slides his legs around his waist as he attempts to reorient their bodies enough that they can fit better together like this. It's still a little hard to get used to the feeling of having someone inside and having that someone be Sousuke of all people. From all the years they'd known each other to all the years they'd spent falling for each other, he still hadn't fully reconciled in his mind the possibility of being this close and of feeling the weight of Sousuke's body bearing down at him like a tidal wave of pure warmth, covering him and drowning him, and he doesn't want to be saved from it.

Instead, he's content to hold onto Sousuke and to brace himself as he raises his lower body and squeezes his legs around him to remain steady. 

" _Move_. I can take it." 

"You sure?" Sousuke asks, his brows are furrowed while his hair is sticking to his forehead, and his skin looks flushed from exertion. 

Rin's reply is a nod this time, and he rolls his hips as much as he can in this position to encourage Sousuke, a move that unravels Sousuke faster than words can because the next second, he's crossing his bent arms behind Rin's head and sliding them underneath to push their faces closer together so he can stare at him as starts thrusting into him earnest. 

It still aches at first, the sudden stabbing feeling that tears through him until Sousuke pushes against him deeper, starting to reach further than his fingers could with the tip of his cock, and he ends up applying pressure at an angle that bleaches Rin's mind white with euphoric bliss. The sensation blooms outwards without relent, covering the pain like a violent storm, and only pleasure stars to erupt from the way Sousuke pounds into his body. All Rin can concentrate on is the way he's being filled, the sensation of Sousuke burying and nestling deeper into him than anyone's gone before. It feels too incredible, and Rin's head snaps back, the bones cracking in his neck at the action as his voice picks up, though nothing intelligible is being said.

All that comes out are dry, heaved out gasps, one after the next as his fingers clutch Sousuke's bicep in the sheer effort to hold on. Every thrust feels more powerful than the next, making his body rack with shudders the closer he gets to falling apart underneath him, and he knows Sousuke is racing to keep himself together long enough to finish them off. He can feel the way his muscles are twitching, the way the effort to move is turning into a confused mixture of pleasure and agony in his expression. Rin only has half a mind to recall that he's holding onto his bad arm, and he wants to pull away and apologize, but Sousuke slides out all the way only to slam back inside of him at that moment. Everything -every tear he could have shed, every concern he could have voiced, every apology lingering at the edge of his tongue- they're all wiped out, and he hears his own broken voice spill outwards instead. 

He's too far gone to feel embarrassed, but something in the sound of it makes Sousuke's movements grow absolutely frantic, piercing him relentlessly as he huffs out ragged breaths that fall haphazardly across Rin's neck. Rin thinks he can hear his name inside of them, but he can't piece together anything anymore, feeling torn apart and messed up already, and when Sousuke wriggles his hand in between to finish him off and pump him into frenzied completion, it's a wonder that Rin has any voice left at all. 

His muscles all seem to contract at once to force it out of him, and he spills against Sousuke's stomach until he feels empty and sluggish against the sheets, unable to move or even do much more than lie across them while he silently urges Sousuke to finish fast. It doesn't take more than a few more thrusts, the exhaustion evident in the way Sousuke's movements are no longer as wild and furious as before. Instead, he's shaking and sweating, gulping down air like a dying man as he sinks into Rin as much as he can before he clenches his teeth together and drops his forehead against his own. 

He can feel the dampness of it, and Sousuke's eyes are so impossibly close to his own that Rin finds it hard not to become immersed in the level of intensity trapped within as he comes, and Rin wishes he could know what he's thinking at that moment, if he's thinking at all. There is something there that feels like it might be more powerful and overwhelming than what Sousuke would give words to, and his own cock throbs with phantom desire, wanting to harden again just by the sheer sight of Sousuke at that moment, feral, unbound, and too much like the nostalgic sight of him hitting the water at full force. 

It's the sight he once embodied when Rin had swum against him that night in the gym back when they were teenagers, the absolute passion that had rippled from him and into the water, invigorating Rin like only Haru ever could with his swimming, but it's different this time. They're obviously not swimming against one another, and instead of feeling competitive, Rin just feels like he's falling too deeply and too recklessly for his best friend and can't stop himself at this point. If he ever doubted his attraction before, it's being cemented right here in the way he never wants to look away from the sight of Sousuke's face after he's fucked him. 

"You've gone quiet again," Sousuke whispers, and he's still inside of him, still so far and deep that Rin can't move without feeling him rubbing into his nerve endings. 

"Don't move," Rin asks him this time, and he smiles up at him like he's intoxicated before hugging Sousuke to his own body and planting kisses all over the shoulder he knows will never be quite the same. "Don't move away from me." 

His eyes are clouding up, but he ignores it and lets Sousuke draw a hand through his hair while his quiet voice reaches him.

"I won't."


	5. Sousuke's 22nd Birthday

They had plans… at some point. Dinner plans or something. Rin can't remember at the moment with Sousuke's tongue wedged so far in his mouth that his thoughts have checked out of his brain for the evening. He doesn't need to think right now anyway, not when his hands are gripping the metal rail of the handicapped bathroom to push himself up. He's not thinking about anything else except the way Sousuke's body feels underneath, the pure heat of it gushing straight up through him, and the way his own muscles are tightly stretching around his cock as he drives himself down forcefully, each movement wrangling free a fresh and shaky gasp from his throat. 

At some point, he'd been hoping to have a nice meal in a place with violins and a fancy decor while they're here visiting New York City. The restaurant he'd chosen had nice orchids arranged on each table and a live in-house band, and the food boasted a Michelin rating of three stars. They were gong to have some wine and some classy western steak, but that thought feels like it had been a fevered dream once long ago.

His reality right now is that he can't stop pushing his body down against Sousuke's waiting cock, using his grip on the railing and on Sousuke's good shoulder to fuck himself against on it as their foreheads touch. Occasionally their lips messily find one another, exchanging rushed kisses tangled between their heavy panting while Rin tries to keep up his own manic speed and momentum, though he can't help tensing every time he thinks he hears the door about to swing open and feeling his heart nearly give out in panic. 

In retrospect, this is a really stupid idea, and Rin blames this on the fact that Sousuke looks absurdly good in a suit. If he could have kept it together around him, he could have waited until they got back to the hotel later to get him out of it, but Sousuke, being Sousuke, had done all the little unconscious things that usually push him to his limit, like …smiling. He was smiling a lot and teasing him about picking such an over-priced place again in spite of him protesting it. He had then told him that the atmosphere had felt stuffy, and he'd hooked a finger in his own tie to draw it loose enough to let the collar on his shirt open a little. Rin could only focus on the quiet eroticism behind something so simple as loosening his tie. Then there were the beads of sweat on his neck from the cumbersome fabric of his jacket and the way his throat had bobbed every time he'd take a drink of water to cool down… 

In the end, Rin had snapped in the worst way and had run to the bathroom to splash water on his face, something that had zero effectiveness. Cue Sousuke coming in to check on him and looking sweet and worried about him. It was only a prelude to his body being shoved unceremoniously on the toilet lid, and Rin sitting over him to finish the job of pulling his tie loose so he could clamp his mouth around his adam's apple and suck on it until his skin was bruised red. 

It was hard to stop once they started, and now Rin's all but burying himself in the mess he's made of tonight, squeezing his fingers around the metal bar as he rocks forward and prays that no one in a wheel chair really has to piss at the moment. It's bad enough they're doing it in the bathroom, but taking up the one for disabled people is the pinnacle of terrible. The panic only makes him move faster than usual, feeling the muscles in both his arms and legs burn as he moves his body over Sousuke's while trying to relish the feeling of sinking down on top of him and having him wedged so tight and so deep inside of himself that it's maddening. 

"Rin, don't be so rough with yourself," Sousuke hisses out, though he looks like he's going to burst at any moment from the onslaught of pressure his own body is causing. 

He knows he's clenching around him more than usual and the tension looks about as agonizing as it is pleasant, but Rin can't stop at all for the life of him, not even when Sousuke pulls on the back of his dress shirt to try and force him to go slower. 

"-almost done," Rin swears, but it seems like fate is ready to punish him for having sex in the handicapped bathroom.

The moment those words flee his mouth is the moment the door swings open, and someone steps inside. Rin's body freezes up at that point, and before he can even curse, Sousuke's hand fastens to his mouth to silence him. They both stay completely still, trying not to breathe too loudly from their noses as they hear the slow and steady footsteps of someone coming in to use the stall next to theirs because _of course,_ they'd pick that one. Rin's body decides to continue to clamp up in fear against his will, and Sousuke responds by paling and giving him a look that screams ' _Don't do that, idiot!_ ' 

He tries to look apologetic in return, but it's difficult to look sincere when he's got Sousuke buried so far inside that every little shift of his hips causes the heat puddling at the base of his spine to stretch upwards across the delicate nerve endings lining his spine, setting them all on fire simultaneously. The stimulation is more than he can handle while attempting to stay still and with his own cock cradled so tightly against Sousuke's firm stomach, he can't help twitching and moving to rub himself a little. 

Sousuke's expression doesn't look any less stricken by it, and his eyes are narrowing to a full-on glare while the two of them are treated to the sounds of some poor soul doing his business. It lasts far too long for any of them to bear, and Rin feels like he's going to cry at this point with how much control he's trying to exercise over himself when all he wants is to relieve the pressure in his own cock. 

Their neighbor finally leaves the stall and washes his hands, and Rin thinks they're almost in the clear before there is a gentle knock on their own stall door. Sousuke opens his mouth to reply, but Rin quickly beats him to it- 

"I'm busy in here!" he hisses in English.

"Oh okay, I was just making sure you were all right in there, Sir. Carry on." 

Well, that was surprisingly polite of him… not that Rin is in the mood right now to chat, and he keeps holding his breath until the bathroom door swings shut. That's when he breathes everything out and sags against Sousuke, looking miserable. 

"This was a bad idea." 

"Can we finish, at least?" Sousuke responds in a strained voice, and Rin remembers that they're both still painfully hard and still painfully stuck together at the moment. 

He swallows after a moment and nods before planting one foot on the ground to readjust himself over his cock. "Hold on, okay? I got this." 

Sousuke doesn't have much choice but to do just that while Rin slides back down, and it aches with every inch he takes in now that the meager amounts of lubricant they used is starting to dry up and wear thin from how much he'd been moving around earlier. He holds in the discomfort and pushes his body down again, building up a smoother and slower rhythm than before. Sousuke's hand draws to his hip to help him as he arches off the toilet to press deeper inside again, and to Rin's surprise, he hears his own name wrestled free from his lips.

The skin around his cheeks burn with sudden bashfulness, and Sousuke blinks curiously at him in response.

"Did I do something wrong?" 

Rin shakes his head silently and suddenly picks up his pace with jarring force, feeling his muscles already contracting with the desperation and urgency to find relief from all this mounting pressure. It's worse when he can't slide his eyes away from Sousuke's face and when he finds himself immersed in the sound of his name uttered in that low, breathy voice of his when he's nearing his peak. 

"What is it, Rin?" Sousuke presses as he suddenly tugs Rin down on his cock with unexpected force. 

That single act makes his lips snap apart and draw out a choked sound while Rin's fingers twist violently into Sousuke's hair for a moment. 

" _Shit_ , you're the one who needs to slow down," Rin protests, but Sousuke shakes his head with a small smirk.

"Not until you tell me what set you off." 

_This bastard_ … Rin grits his teeth as he feels Sousuke do it again, gripping him by the back of his shirt to yank him down roughly until he's unwittingly finding the most brain-searing angle to thrust in at. Rin wants to keep complaining, but his voice dies under the flood of strangled noises until he gives up and goes along with it, forcing his body down to meet Sousuke's at the same time Sousuke's slamming his own hips upwards. 

They don't last all that long, shaking visibly the next time they try, and Rin's vision is blurring thickly until he has to shutter it from the light. He hears Sousuke breathe out his name again next to his ear, and everything unravels, his body wracked with tiny shudders along each of his muscles until they're squeezing his own release out of him. Sousuke's both arms are all around him to catch him, hugging his body in place and holding him while he manages to finish himself off, though it's a bit awkward when Rin can't bring himself to move anymore. Sousuke can only push his hips upward and arch recklessly off the toilet, and Rin's grateful for the condom to stop anything from spilling inside of himself when Sousuke finally comes. Unfortunately, Sousuke's shirt isn't spared, and the birthday boy ends up stuck washing it off and drying it under the hand blowers outside the stall while Rin does his best to put himself back together. 

"We're never doing that again," Rin declares, and Sousuke makes a noise of agreement as he continues to shove the soiled fabric under the hand blower.


	6. Sousuke's 23rd Birthday

Gou's visit is only announced with a single text declaring that she's at that closest train station to their shared apartment. Rin has about fifteen minutes to grab all the things he precariously left sitting around Sousuke's room and bathroom and toss them in his own unused one. The bed looks like it hasn't seen a warm body in ages, but Rin doesn't have time to consider semantics. Hopefully, just having his things inside is enough to complete some kind of illusion that he's actually been living inside of it for the past two years instead of using it to store the bulk of his wardrobe and trophies, which is pretty much all it's become at this point. 

"Why don't you just tell her?" Sousuke asks from the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, looking amused while Rin tries to strategically arrange photos and knickknacks across every surface. 

"Because." 

"That's not an answer." 

Rin drops a few dirty clothes in the hamper at the corner of his room to complete the illusion.

"Leave me alone. It's the only one I have at the moment." 

"You're hopeless," Sousuke murmurs before leaving him to his own business.

Truthfully, it's not as though Rin expects Gou to take it poorly. Out of everyone he knows, she'd probably be the most open-minded and supportive, but it's just having to actually open his mouth and produce the words… it's not easy when he's easily embarrassed by this stuff. So far, he and Sousuke have only once kissed on the cheek in public, and even that was enough to draw a few raised eyebrows. It was more liberating when they were in New York a year ago and could hold hands and not have to worry about being seen or anyone paying attention. They were just two unimportant wanderers, blending in seamlessly in the crowd.

Sydney's still a whole other jungle, but he'll work his way up to telling Gou one of these days. Maybe his mother, too, who will probably eventually grow suspicious as to why two grown men are sharing an apartment together instead of settling down with nice girls. For now, it's none of their business who he's dating, and as far as he knows, Sousuke hasn't talked about it with his parents, either. Neither of them have visited them once since he moved to Sydney with him nor does Sousuke call them that much on the phone, but then again, his relationship with them hasn't always been the closest. Much like himself, he's been used to being on his own instead of relying heavily on their presence and input. Even when he'd been in the hospital, they'd only visited a handful of times, nowhere near as much as Rin and the others from Samezuka. 

By the time Gou arrives, Rin's dressed and looking as casual as possible, hiding the fact that he'd been running around like a maniac a few seconds ago, and she comes bounding in with nothing but pure energy and excitement, eager to check the place out. 

"Even though you sent me pictures, it looks so much bigger up close. How come you guys hadn't invited me sooner?" 

"I don't recall even inviting you this time," Rin grumbles, but Gou ignores the comment as she runs from room to room, looking at the views in each. She then pauses to admire the wall of trophies, pictures, and awards stacked on one of Rin's shelves. 

"Look how many you have already!! Pretty soon you'll have to get a room just for your awards." 

That's pretty much what that room had been for up until recently, but Rin does manage a small smile as she paws at each of them. She had been present at Rio when he'd won one for the 100m butterfly, and he still remembers how tightly she'd hugged him around the neck, refusing to let him go after. While he normally got embarrassed about that sort of thing from his sister, he didn't mind it so much on the back of an amazing race. It's one of the few instances when it's okay to submerge oneself in a dramatic outpouring of emotions, something he's been routinely doing since he was a kid, it seems. 

They spend a few hours watching Gou inspect every inch of the apartment curiously (and hiding a few more questionable items along the way) before Gou takes it upon herself to latch onto both his and Sousuke's arms to drag them out. 

"It's Sousuke's birthday, so we should spoil him again," she whispers while Sousuke sighs and reminds her that he's right there and he can hear them both perfectly. 

"Shut up," Rin cuts in, "you're not part of this conversation at the moment." 

Sousuke gives them both an exasperated look, seemingly troubled by being kidnapped by the two Matsuokas. Their first stop is the hair stylist near their apartment because Gou insists that they can't spend the day properly having fun if Sousuke's hair looks that shaggy. He had been letting it grow out a bit much to his own detriment because Rin admittedly loves looking at his eyes. It's why he has no problem helping Gou manhandle him into a chair in spite of his numerous complaints and why he also looks over one of the styling books with Gou as she tries to further convince him to do something creative. 

"Ooh, how about frosted tips? Or you can dye it dark blue! It would be a completely different new look. Come on, Sousuke!" 

Rin's a little horrified by both prospects, but he thinks he wouldn't look too bad with his sides shaved short and a slight faux hawk. He points to the image in the book while Sousuke protests, "Just a regular cut is fine. I don't need anything dramatic. Definitely not that one." 

"What are you complaining about?" Rin practically huffs, "It'd look good on you, and it's trendy. You've had the same haircut since we were kids." 

"So have you. The only difference is that you put yours up in a ponytail sometimes. I'll only do it if you cut yours short." 

Rin actually considers it for a moment, wondering what he'd look like with something cropped closer to his head and if he had side swept bangs. It wouldn't be so bad to change, but at the same time, he'd miss Sousuke gripping his hair and pulling on it while he thrusts into him, the sharp prickle of pain against his scalp as he grabs chunks of it like he wants to tear it out. Or the way his fingers feel combing through it afterwards when he's lying on his stomach and too tired to consider ever moving again. He likes it most when Sousuke bothers tying his hair up for him in the mornings while he tiredly brushes his own teeth. It's strange how those little things never really stood out to him before, but now he feels his face getting hot just thinking about them. 

The book is raised slightly higher as he sinks in his chair, hoping Gou doesn't notice. " _Forget it_. Get what you want. I'm not cutting mine." 

Sousuke looks relieved when he says that and tells the stylist to just cut the tips while Gou continues to pout slightly next to him. 

"You could have gone for something new, too, _Onii-chan_." She picks out a particularly wild haircut that looks like a full mohawk leading into a mullet that's combed to the side, and all Rin can think is that he's pretty sure Coach Sasabe must have worn the same thing at one point. Yeah, that's not someone he wants to emulate style-wise. 

"No thanks. It's fine as is." 

The stylist finishes up with Sousuke within minutes and dabs the back of his neck with baby powder, and the strands there looks so short that Rin can't help pushing his fingers into it after to feel the soft, fuzzy texture of it prickling his palm. For a moment, Sousuke tilts his head back right into his fingers and reminds him of a large dog inclining his head to be pet, something that Rin is too happy to oblige as he presses his fingers in deeper until Sousuke's shutting his eyes. 

"It looks good on you," Rin murmurs, and he laments that he won't get him to himself tonight so he can take a turn pulling and grabbing at his hair.

"Are you two finished?" Gou pipes up, and Rin tugs his hand away as though it's been burned, looking terribly embarrassed that he'd been caught groping Sousuke's hair in front of Gou. 

Hopefully, she won't think anything of it. It's not like they haven't always been physical with one another, and Gou's done the same herself to Sousuke on numerous occasions. It's obviously nothing to bat an eye at. 

"Let's go," Rin tells him before paying off the hair cut. 

Gou's eyes continue to follow him, and he can feel the sheer weight of them digging into his back even as he heads out of the shop. He's mentally willing her to drop it already so they can get on with their day. 

Their next destination is the movie theatre for an overblown, expensive foreign robot flick that only Gou seems to enjoy because of the numerous shots of shirtless men. He's barely awake by the end of it, and it's only Sousuke's nudging that jars him from his seat when they decide to head out to eat. Sousuke doesn't even pretend to look a little shocked when he gets a surprise birthday cup of ice cream from the staff, and he shakes his head at the two of them, muttering that they're both getting too predictable. 

Rin cocks his head to the seat next to him, calling out his co-conspirator in response. "It was Gou's idea." 

"Yeah, but you picked out the flavor of ice cream!" 

"Only because green tea is too bitter. You were also thinking of going with bubblegum-flavored. I was sparing Sousuke from choking it down just to make you happy." 

Sousuke makes a face that indicates that's probably what would have happened. Really, how does that guy cave to Gou so easily and not anyone else? 

He watches Sousuke eat out of the corner of his eye, more than a little amused that he really is trying to eat it all because he knows it's coming out of their funds. He wouldn't be the type of guy to waste a kind gesture, though Rin happens to spot the bracelet he gave him dangling from his wrist at that moment. Gou's line of sight is aiming in the same direction, but she says nothing at all, instead shifting her hand to cover her mouth as though she's physically corking herself from something she _wants_ to say. Maybe she's just as surprised as he is at Sousuke's dedication in wearing that thing. 

When they get home, it's already dark outside, and Rin's worn out from being dragged to a dozen shops. Gou had done more shopping for Sousuke and him than herself, picking out all sorts of clothes and jewelry that would look good on them. She even tried to talk Sousuke into getting an ear pierced, something Rin would have quietly supported because it means he'd get to suck and tug on his earring and find a new way to tease him. Then again, he can't imagine anything failing to enhance Sousuke's attractiveness.

In the end, Sousuke didn't bother, claiming it'd be too much maintenance and that that sort of thing would suit Rin's personality better. Maybe for his own birthday he'll treat himself to one, but for now, he's content to set all the bags down and crash on the futon he'd set up on the floor earlier in Sousuke's room, which probably won't get much use later. 

Rin only lies in it long enough for Gou to come in and tell them both to sleep well, and once the door's closed, he's quick to climb in under Sousuke's arm and press against his side. The action reeks of pathetic desperation and neediness, wondering how he even manages to get any sleep whenever the two of them are apart at all. It used to be that he couldn't fall asleep without his favorite pillow, and now that kind of security and warmth has been transferred over to the weight and comfort of Sousuke's build. He's sure Sousuke must be aware of it as well because he gives him an amused look as Rin drops his head onto his chest and slips a hand under his shirt to plant it against Sousuke's stomach.

"You really need to tell her already." 

Rin sighs and angles his leg slightly to bump his knee into his thigh. "Didn't I tell you to mind your business earlier?" 

"You _are_ my business. And so is Gou. She's not stupid. I'm sure she noticed something's going on already." 

It's possible, but Rin wants to cling to some chance that she's too innocent to pick up on all the little glances and touches that linger too long. That stint in the hair salon might have been pushing it, though, and he does start to wonder why it's even a big deal at this point. The two of them have been close since they were kids, and at some point, that relationship had turned a little more physical and affectionate. However, they're still fundamentally the same. The attraction between them had always been present, and time had only made it evolve alongside their growing maturity. 

"Alright, alright. I'll talk to her about it before she goes. Can I just get some sleep first?" He emphasizes his point by closing his eyes and curling up a little more, half his limbs having already claimed their spot on Sousuke's body. 

That peaceful repose lasts far too short for his tastes, his cell phone alerting him at the crack of dawn that it's time for a run. Sousuke's still completely passed out, probably enjoying the fact that it's no longer his birthday so he won't be a torture victim for the day. Rin almost envies him, but he very gently slides out of bed, doing his best not to wake him up as he slips into his track pants and pulls on a hoodie. 

He only gets as far as the kitchen when he notices Gou is already up and fixing breakfast.

"Gou, shouldn't you be asleep?" he asks with an edge of grogginess. 

Gou only smiles in response as she attempts a full western breakfast, complete with eggs everywhere and tabasco sauce. While Rin might enjoy spicy food from time to time, he's pretty sure half the bottle of sauce went straight into the pan before he walked out. 

"If you're going to exercise, you need to load up on carbohydrates and proteins, first. I'm not letting you run on an empty stomach." 

Running on a full stomach means a greater chance of emptying it out on a nearby bush, but Gou has that expression on her face like she's not going to accept any kind of argument on the matter. He suddenly feels a little sorry for those Iwatobi guys for having to deal with this.

His body slowly sinks to the ground as Gou pushes something in front of him that he mistakenly believes is orange juice. One sip later reveals that it is, in fact, raw eggs mixed together, and it takes an extraneous amount of effort not to spit it out onto the table. 

"This is way too much eggs at once! What are you trying to do? Kill me??" 

"I read that the top athletes of the world eat at least eight of them a day! Now, drink up!" 

No, Rin's not touching that. He's pretty sure it'll put him in the hospital, so he opts for a bottle of water from the fridge instead before settling next to the _kotatsu_ in hopes that the scrambled eggs will be edible. The smell is at least appetizing, and Gou even adds a few pieces of toast and sausages to the mix. When he bites into it, it becomes apparent that he was quite right about the tabasco sauce, and he spends an inordinate time just coughing and letting his eyes leak enough tears to mimic the time Sousuke had finally confessed to him about his shoulder. 

"What's the matter with you?" he rasps out in between heavy sips of pocket sweat. 

"I only used the recommended dosage from this athlete's nutrition website." 

He somehow doubts that she didn't add a few extra tablespoons, but Rin manages to eat some of it. The spots around the edges aren't too bad, and it tastes a lot less lethal with toast. He's so distracted with disseminating his breakfast that he barely notices the way Gou is leaning in, cheek resting on her hand as she smiles down at him. 

"What is it?" Rin asks carefully, not bothering to meet that gaze head-on.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You wouldn't be looking at me like that if it was nothing." 

Gou clutches her other cheek, and she grows more flustered by the second like she can't contain herself. She's practically wriggling in her spot, and her gaze won't move away from his profile. It really is bothering him, and he sets his fork down after a moment before looking at her with a frown. That's when she clutches his arm and squeezes, practically yanking him down on one side. 

The dread that descends upon him is instant, and he sags a little, figuring it's pointless to keep pretending even further . "You know, don't you?" 

Her voice bursts out of her lips with- "I'm so happy for you both!! I peaked in when I woke up to see if you were still sleeping this morning and found you curled up on top of him like a cat! I couldn't believe it! You both looked so cute!" 

The decibel of her voice is almost at a level that only dogs can hear at this point, and she hasn't stopped excitedly pulling on his sleeve since she started talking. Meanwhile, Rin's face is starting to heat up faster than he's prepared to deal with, and he resists the urge to bury it against his palms. Maybe he should have locked the door or something last night. Then again, a locked door would have sent an even worse message, and thankfully, both of them had enough shame not to really do anything last night with Gou there. 

He opens his mouth to respond, but someone beats him to it-

"I told you she knew." 

Sousuke's voice is firm even while wrapped around his drowsiness, and he's casually leaning against the door to their room, looking smug. If only Rin could somehow kick him from this far, but it's hardly worth the effort to get up and do it at this point.

"Shut up! We weren't that obvious." 

"Maybe not to you," Gou cuts in," but you don't see the way you two look from the outside. Even long before today, I thought the way you acted around each other was a little strange for just friends. I didn't realize what it was completely until recently, though." 

Neither did himself so that makes two Matsuokas confounded by the unique experience that is being around Sousuke. Rin wants to say more, but he's still reeling from the embarrassment, and because Sousuke is still shooting a smug, all-knowing expression at him, Rin doesn't even bother warning him about the eggs as they're set in front of him. 

Serves that bastard right.


	7. Sousuke's 24th Birthday

It's the first time in a couple of years they're spending Sousuke's birthday apart, something that Rin hadn't been expecting to experience again since they'd reunited. He'd promised himself he'd make up for the five birthdays he missed by being there for every single other one, but Sousuke, who was well on his way to a degree specializing in physical therapy and sports medicine had gone off for a year in the U.S. to study abroad. 

He had ended up in California, of all places, and Rin's envious he can't join him but has no real choice. He has practices to endure, a never-ending string of competitions lying in his wake, and it'd be irresponsible to travel in the middle of it all just to selfishly spend time with his boyfriend. All of this would have been easier to endure if Sousuke hadn't been equally busy all the time, only leaving him e-mails and texts here and there. They come with several days in between, small updates about things he's been doing and places he's been visiting with occasional pictures. 

Rin also noticed a lot of those pictures tend to feature Sousuke held hostage by a bunch of girls, all of them crowded around him while he makes an uncomfortable centerpiece, still unaccustomed to posing for photos. He really does look terribly awkward, but it's endearing nevertheless to catch the way his eyes refuse to meet the lens and the distant look in them. He remembers how all their Samezuka team pictures were practically mirror images of each other with Sousuke avoiding looking anything but overly serious in them. The only one he seemed to smile for is the one that Rin still keeps as his cellphone wallpaper. 

They were all standing together, both him and Sousuke with Ai and Momo, and Sousuke's arm had been slung around him casually. He remembers how shortly after their relay at regionals it had been taken and how freely Sousuke had been able to smile then, every burden finally lifted from him. The expression he wore that day was beautiful, and Rin had hassled Uozumi to capture it on his phone where it had remained until today. 

Naturally, Sousuke's a lot older at the moment than he'd been there, but that smile is one that revisits him so often, gentle but enthralling at the same time. Rin hates to admit how easy it is to get addicted to the few times where Sousuke's expressions aren't flat or distant. The warmth that blossoms across his eyes had been too subtle before, but time had made them burn brighter as though he's now always fixated on a sun looming right before him. It's so much different from the time when he could recall where the light had died altogether from inside of his pupils, leaving only a calculated expression that worried Rin too much. 

In the photos he gets from abroad, he has to strain to see what he won't show, but the still images aren't enough. He needs Sousuke right in front of him to see the full picture, which is why when it hits midnight in California, he decides to call Sousuke up on his tablet. He'd ended up getting him one on Christmas a couple of years before, having anticipated they'd be separated a lot. He wanted a way to remain connected no matter on what part of the globe they were in, and he's already mentally patting himself on the back for his brilliant foresight. These things have come in handy more often than not. 

When Sousuke's face appears on the screen, he looks terribly sleepy, making Rin instantly regret calling him at this late hour. He must be stressed out with all the exams and labs he has to do. Not to mention, he's been interning at a local hospital while also studying hard to pick up enough medical English to keep up with everyone around him. It must be hard, but Sousuke still smiles at him like a child getting a tightly-wrapped present. Then again, it's probably his own ego supplying that mental image, but he generally likes to think Sousuke would at least be _a little_ excited to see him after no contact for a few nights. 

"Yo, still barely keeping your head up, Sousuke," Rin greets.

Sousuke chuckles a little at those words while shaking his head. "Ah, I'm fine. I was thinking about calling you later myself." 

"Beat you to it. Do I get a prize?"

"It wouldn't be fair to give you one if we hadn't decided on the terms beforehand. You're just fishing for something free now." 

Leave it to him to focus on semantics instead of being flirtatious. Rin heaves out a sigh before resting his cheek on his hand.

"So this is the part where I get to say 'Happy Birthday.'" 

Sousuke's smile softens. 

"Thanks, Rin. I have to admit I'm surprised you didn't have something more extravagant planned. I was expecting you to show up my door to surprise me." 

That was Plan A, but Rin has to be in peak condition for his match next week. Running around America and stuffing himself with all kinds of foreign food would make him too sluggish. Not to mention he probably wouldn't get any sleep after seeing Sousuke looking as handsome and disheveled as he does now. He's sure he'd lose it within seconds and immediately shove him onto his bed, roommate present or not. 

At any rate, thinking about it is only an unfortunate reminder that he's been handling his own frustrations on his own in the meantime, which had been predictably unpleasant. Imagination is a poor substitute for reality, something he's realizing more and more each time he grasps himself tightly in his palm and tries to remember as vividly as possible the way urgency tastes on Sousuke's tongue. 

"Maybe for Christmas," Rin says with a shrug, "who knows? That means you've got three months left to prepare." 

"I'll be sure to, but until then, it's nice seeing you like this. Hearing your voice." 

Sousuke must really be missing him if he's devolving into some of Rin's brand of romanticism, and it's really touching to see that level of sentimentality out of him. Usually, Rin has to pry it out of him with his own forcefulness, but it's nice that distance always seems to make whatever passion they harbor for one another grow and ignite the world around them like a chaotic wildfire. He can be too quickly consumed by it, but Sousuke is tempered and reserved enough to keep them both grounded. 

Right now, even with an ocean between, he feels steady and at peace even if he's longing to hold Sousuke's neck captured in his palm and to mold his own lips to that smile just to see if he can memorize it through touch alone. The flat images are never enough to compensate, and he wonders if he's really more frustrated than he initially thought if he's fixating on every minute detail in front of him. 

The thought makes him break eye contact, wary of what his own eyes would reflect back to Sousuke on the other side. He's always been exceptionally good at reading him, so the idea of exposing the embarrassing direction his mind is currently going in isn't a very attractive prospect. He'd rather just keep things casual at the moment. 

One of Sousuke's eyebrows rises as he focuses more intently on him, looking curious. "Was that too much for you?"

"No, no… I just- never mind." 

He hates the sound of his own voice stammering, and his hand lands on the back of his neck as he keeps his gaze averted. "Anyway, I don't want to keep you up. I know it's the middle of the week, and you have your studies to get back to. I just hadn't heard you in a long time, either." 

"I can stay up a bit longer." 

Rin would be more convinced if those words weren't wrapped around a yawn, and he can tell from the screen that Sousuke's eyes are slightly red and watery from exhaustion. It'd be selfish to keep him from sleep longer just to hear his voice. 

"You obviously can't, so I'll let you off the hook. You can just call me back in the morning." 

"But by then, you'll be the one asleep." 

True. Seventeen hours of distance between is hard to work around. It made it to difficult to coordinate their schedules well enough to actually have a conversation that didn't result in the other passing out. 

"I don't care," he still insists, "I want to talk to you properly on your birthday, so call me. If not, I'll just call you a bunch of times until you finally pick up." 

Sousuke snorts gently at those words. "That's hardly a threat." 

Knowing Sousuke, he'd just pick up on the first sound of his ring tone anyway. He's never been unnecessarily cruel. 

He watches Sousuke yield to another yawn before hearing him murmur, "You're always extra pushy on my birthdays, you know that?" 

_'Because I don't know which one will be the last one I get to spend with you…'_

"Quit complaining and expect a package at your door tomorrow, too. I paid extra to get it there on time." 

Sousuke's response is a soft huff of breath, and he's sure he'd have said more except he's already falling asleep in front of him. His eyelids have drooped shut, and his lips parted slightly while slowly breathing outwards. It's a cute sight, and Rin takes a cap of it on his tablet as surreptitiously as he can mange. He'll just tuck that one away for safe-keeping. Besides, it serves Sousuke right for keeping such a hideous one of him on his phone all these years. He still hasn't figured out how to erase it without him noticing. 

"You could have at least moved to the bed if you were this tired," Rin says, his voice laced with an embarrassing amount of fondness at the moment, and he hopes Sousuke will eventually make his way there before he regrets the intense ache all his joints and muscles are going to have when he wakes up, though he knows Sousuke has a roommate somewhere. Maybe he'll come in, tap his shoulder, and help him to bed, though from what Sousuke has said of him, he's quite the womanizer so it's likely he won't even be returning to the dorm that night. 

At least, that gives him a bit of free reign to indulge in something he'd wanted to do since he opened up the connection. His face leans forward towards the image of Sousuke's sleeping face, and he gently presses his lips to the tablet's surface around the spot where Sousuke's mouth is hanging open, hoping Sousuke doesn't decide to crack an eye open or stir awake at that moment. He'd never let him live it down if he caught him doing something that lame. 

"Goodnight, Sousuke." 

His voice is barely above a whisper before he cuts the feed off.


	8. Sousuke's 12th Birthday

"Guess which one I drew on you!" a cheery voice shouts next to his ear.

Sousuke wants to tell him not to be so loud. His mother will probably come yell at them if he wakes up the household. Why does Rin always have to be so bothersome at this hour? 

"I already said I don't want to play this anymore." 

His voice is dripping with annoyance, waiting for Rin to realize this game is more frustrating than fun if only because Rin knows a lot more difficult kanji than he does. That and he's sure he's cheating by drawing a few made up ones, but Rin just gets defensive when he calls him out on it and insists that they're all completely real. Sousuke refuses to believe that until he grabs the dictionary and points them out. 

"Can't we just play something else?" 

"Aw, come on!! I have a really great one next. Don't give up!" 

_Don't give up?_ Easy for him to say. He's not the one sitting here with his eyes closed while his friend draws on his palm with thin, prickly fingers. It doesn't help that the simple strokes and shapes that Rin makes with the tip of his finger keeps forcing his stomach to do some weird clenching motion, and his skin feels so feverish and sweaty all over that his shorts are sticking uncomfortably to his thighs. He keeps wanting to push his legs shut and squeeze them together a little to see if that would ease the weird pressure bubbling out of that _one spot_. 

His head is also starting to feel a little funny whenever Rin leans in and the long strands of his hair brush against his cheek, reminding him how close he is. He's pretty sure it's just because he's sleepy, and the lethargy is making him more sensitive to his surroundings than usual. Strangely enough, it reminds him of the feeling he gets whenever he and Rin are in the lanes next to one another in the pool, and he can sense a weird spark of electricity spread across his spine. The moment he hits the water, the sensation intensifies, enveloping him whole and pushing him to go faster and surpass Rin. He always remembers the sight of Rin breathing hard when he loses, his small hands on his own knees as he remains hunched over, swallowing down air as best as he can. Though whenever he catches sight of the tears on the edges of his eyes, Sousuke instantly regrets putting his all into beating him.

He knows he shouldn't when Rin is the person he wants to beat the most. Rivalry is supposed to be ruthless, isn't it? The two of them pushing one another, shoving each other passed their limits while simultaneously egging the other on. Yet the satisfaction is short-lived, and all he can think on their walks home after is that he misses the sight of Rin smiling even more than the feeling of winning against him. 

It's probably why he's being indulgent right now. When Rin had proposed this little game earlier, all he could do was half-heartedly fight him off before ultimately giving in to his very stupid idea. He's regretting it now after half an hour as Rin holds his right hand hostage and keeps spelling out weird things onto his palm. 

"It's the last one," Rin tells him, "promise!" 

"Just get it over with." 

Even with his eyes closed, he can tell Rin is grinning from ear to ear, and he feels his finger drawing out the strokes, moving swiftly over his skin before Sousuke starts to mimic the strokes in his mind, one after the other. He's pretty sure this is definitely not kanji. The strokes are too short and abrupt. It doesn't seem like hiragana or katakana, either. Is he just drawing random lines on his hand now?

"Rin, it's cheating if you're making them up!" 

"Am not. I'm writing in English." 

"But you know I'm bad at English." Sousuke can't keep the pout out of his voice as much as he wants to. That's a really low blow. "You didn't even say we could do English letters!" 

"I didn't say we couldn't, either." 

Oh, that smug voice of his. Sousuke would shove him away if he could, but he hasn't decided yet if he wants to give up the feeling of Rin cradling his hand like that. 

"If it's in English, then I don't know what it says. Why don't you just tell me?" 

"Because that's not the point of the game! You're supposed to guess!!" 

Sousuke's eyes fly open to give an exasperated look to Rin, unwilling to waste any more time on this. Besides, it's his birthday. Shouldn't he be deciding what fun games they get to play at this sleepover? This is definitely not fun. 

"Fine. You were spelling your name out." 

"That was too long for my name. Guess again." 

The frustrated sound that spills out of his mouth can't be helped, and he just shrugs after a moment. "You were spelling out _my_ name then." 

Rin's expression after he says that indicates that that probably wasn't the case at all. Rin's brows end up pinching inwards and his cheeks puff out before he deflates like a balloon and then falls backward onto Sousuke's mattress. 

"Why do I even teach you new games? You never want to play. If I leave everything to you, we'd just end up racing butterfly all the time." 

What's wrong with that? He likes racing him, and it's fun. He also likes watching the excitement on Rin's face when he's about to jump into the water, all the anticipation and drive that culminates in his large eyes and in the careless grin he displays. It's like watching pure energy in flesh form, and it never fails to make Sousuke's pulse surge like crazy next to him. He can watch him a dozen times just jumping inside and moving swiftly beneath the water like he was made to be in it forever. 

He shrugs after a moment and pretends not to notice that disappointed look on Rin's face. "Maybe you just have bad ideas." 

Like the one to swim relay together, but he doesn't say that out loud. He'd rather not fight again on his birthday. Instead, he drops down next to Rin and stretches out on the mattress next to him. The fact that Rin's still giving him that one look means he won't let the issue go all night, and if Sousuke's determined to have a decent birthday, he'll have to find a way to get him to stop. 

His body turns so that he's facing Rin, and he holds his head up with his hand. "How about I do one to you?" 

"It'll be easy to guess. You don't know that many kanji." 

"Shut up, I know a lot," Sousuke fires back, and he nudges Rin in the thigh, " _Come on_." 

The thoughts turn behind Rin's eyes as he considers it, and he finally sits up only to turn around and give him his back. "Draw it there," he instructs like it isn't the weirdest request in the world.

"Why on your back? What's wrong with your hand?" 

"I want to make it extra challenging for myself, so don't go easy on me, Sousuke." 

…what? Sousuke just chalks it up to one of his random machinations and leaves it at that. As much as he prides himself on reading Rin like an open book, there are times where he thinks Rin's head over-inflates with strange notions that even he can't make sense of. This is one of them. First, the idiotic game and now putting his fingers on his back. What's he going to think of next? 

"Do it on my skin so I can feel it better." 

A sigh falls out between Sousuke's lips as he complies, and he lifts Rin's shirt up and pushes it over his head, looking amused when it gets trapped there. Rin instantly helps pull himself free so he can breathe, and he glances at him over his shoulder before muttering at him to stop laughing. Sousuke was totally the one who forgot he has a nose attached to his face.

"Okay, okay, sorry," Sousuke returns before gently placing a finger on Rin's back.

It's cool outside, the season turning into autumn already, and with the window open, the breeze makes Rin's back instantly grow goosebumps all over. He can feel them under his fingers as he brushes them down his skin, mesmerized by how soft his back is. Even though he knows well enough that Rin's a boy, there are times when he looks at him and his smaller frame and thinks that if Rin's voice were a little higher and his hips and shoulders a bit more narrow, it'd be easy to mistake him for a girl. He'd get kicked black and blue if he said that out loud, though, and besides, he's sure by the time puberty rolls around, he'll outgrow all of that, especially if he keeps working out the way he does.

His hands finally lie flat on his back, and he could swear Rin almost shivers at the action before straightening up and pushing his shoulders back. 

"Alright, I'm ready." 

Sousuke nods though Rin can't see it, and he uses one finger, keeping it poised against his back. His mind goes through the list of kanji in his mind, trying to settle on one that Rin might not be able to guess easily, though he can't really think of any. His thoughts draw to a blank the more he registers the heat on his finger, and all that comes to mind are weird thoughts like how it'd feel if his fingers were his lips and if Rin would be mad or grossed out. Probably the latter. 

It's definitely an abnormal thought, and Sousuke scrubs it out of his brain as forcefully as possible before ending up picking an easy kanji to draw. 

"It's 'cat'. Come on, you have to give me something harder than that." 

"It's just a warm up," Sousuke lies, though he really can't think of anything. He should know tons by now, but his mind keeps going all white and fuzzy. He hates the feeling of uncertainty and ends up drawing something closer to what he's actually thinking at the moment. 

_'Heat.'_

His finger is shaking as he spells it out, and he can feel his cheeks burning with shame while hoping Rin doesn't figure it out and doesn't turn around to look at him, either. 

"Hmm… that one's weird, but it's only because your finger is moving all over the place." 

"The strokes were perfect. You're just making excuses now. If you don't know it, then say so." 

"I know it!" Rin whines before crossing his arms over his chest, "Draw it again." 

Sousuke complies, making smoother lines this time, and he hears Rin hum out loud as he thinks. His back vibrates gently with the motion, and Sousuke swallows a little hard before moving away. 

"Is it 'love'?" 

Those words catch him off-guard, and Sousuke's eyes nearly bulge out before he shakes his head furiously, feeling his cheeks blush warmly. "Why would I draw that? I'm not the romantic cry-baby. _You_ are."

"Okay, geez. You don't have to be so cranky. How about 'dream'? Or 'friendship'?" 

What corny guesses. Come on, Rin…

"No and no." 

Rin's face finally whips around to stare at him with furious determination scrawled all over it. "Is it 'bad'? 'Car'? 'Cloud'? 'Lightning??'" 

"You're just making random guesses now. Give it up. You're never going to get it." 

"No, I can! Do it again." 

"I'm not doing it again." 

"Don't be that way, Sousuke!" 

Rin's voice is so loud and ear-piercing that he's sure he'll definitely wake his mom up. That's why Sousuke shuts him up by whacking him with a pillow, a move that quickly transforms their little game into an all-out pillow fight. Feathers end up flying while the two smack each other until they're both red-faced and lying on the ground. By that time, his mother finally bursts in to lecture them about staying up way passed their bedtime -sleepover or not. At least, Rin has enough nerve to look guilty and apologize next to him until Sousuke follows suit, bowing his head. They spend the rest of the night cleaning up feathers, and Rin slides his shirt back on at last after complaining he's freezing. Why did he take it off in the first place, then? 

Sousuke just shakes is head at him and helps smooth out his futon on the ground next to him before climbing into his own bed. However, before he can settle in completely, he spots Rin's head popping up from the ground. 

"It was 'Happy birthday'. That's what I spelled out. Happy birthday, Sousuke." 

His smile reaches Sousuke through the dark, and he can't stop the way his own heart starts beating like crazy at the sound of those soft words and the sight of the barely lit expression on Rin's face. He's almost sure his heart is going to bruise the inside of his chest with how fast and hard it's beating at the moment, and even though he feels like he wants to fall asleep staring at Rin's face, he doesn't let himself. Instead, he forces his body to turn over and face the wall, curling up slightly and pretending those words had no effect on him. 

"Goodnight, Rin," he whispers in return, and he hears the sheets rustling behind him before letting the sounds of Rin's soft breathing finally lure him to sleep. That night, the temperature feels hotter than ever with his skin wildly perspiring all over, and he's sure that it's only because his rival acknowledged his birthday that he's feeling this level of thrumming excitement through his veins.


	9. Sousuke's 25th Birthday

Sousuke's hand moves over Rin's bare back, watching him while he remains passed out on his stomach, oblivious to the world. His face is turned on the pillow, red strands stuck to his cheek and mouth as his lips hang open, and Sousuke wonders how he can be both cute and terrible looking when he sleeps. He's even more comical-looking when he wakes up since Rin always has a bad case of bed hair when he doesn't tie it up, and age has only made that hair longer and more violent when it latches onto his face at night. It's endearing to him even if he teases Rin mercilessly about it just to watch him get defensive

His own face softens when he pushes the hair from his face back enough to see Rin's eyes twitching hypnotically. He must be caught in some deep dream to be sleeping in past 5:00 AM or maybe he really did go a little too rough on him the night before. Rin usually never misses a beat when it comes to his morning jog, even on special occasions, but Sousuke doesn't bother waking him, instead reaching over to shut off his phone before the alarm goes off. 

His hand moves back along his spine, following down the curve of it and remembering that stupid game Rin made them play as kids. He'd been so determined to guess back then, and Sousuke had drawn something so stupid that he wanted to forget what it was but it's still firmly imprinted in his memory. If only he'd had enough sense to recognize those feelings for what they were, but he'd just been a kid. His only reference for romance and intimacy had been a couple of movies Rin had made him sit through all the while insisting there were cool action sequences in it, though he'd just end up crying at all the love confession parts and pretending he had popcorn butter in his eyes. 

It didn't hit Sousuke until high school that he might have liked him as more than just competition, but by then, they'd had an ocean between them. All Sousuke could do was fight to meet up with him a second time at an international level, and in the meantime, he'd find himself working out his frustrations between meets, feeling the burn in his muscles to avoid the fact that sometimes, he'd catch himself trying to imagine what Rin would look like when he's all grown up. Would he have filled out like himself? Somehow, he couldn't imagine him suddenly growing into a giant tree with limbs and muscles and always seemed to picture him as someone on the slender side who was nothing but graced and speed in the water. Where Sousuke had always been the embodiment of force and drive, Rin was swiftness and fiery passion, spreading invisible wings and flowing out across the surface of the water as easily as one of its own waves as he conquered it. 

When he'd seen him for the first time at Regionals during their second year, it had been from far away as he lined up with his team at the opening ceremony, and he'd only been certain it was him because of the color of his hair. Age had narrowed Rin's eyes, lengthened his teeth, and added muscles and sharp angles all over his body, molding him into a force of nature that Sousuke couldn't stop staring at it, but his eyes were too drawn to the solemnity in his face to properly devour the rest of him. 

That older Rin had forgotten how to smile, and the pain laced and tethered onto his expression had made Sousuke think for a second that not having spoken up all those years ago when Rin had decided to transfer to Iwatobi had been the biggest mistake of his life. He could only imagine what kind of torment had wrapped itself around Rin in all the years they'd been apart while hoping it was nothing like his own. If anything, he could never stand the sight of Rin losing his passion and becoming as hollow as himself. 

That day had birthed so many new dreams and new hopes, the likes of which he's still embracing today as he smooths a finger down the soft contours of Rin's mouth, feeling the faint breath that spills out. When Rin passes out on his stomach, he always sleeps with his mouth open, a habit that usually results in a puddle of drool when he wakes up in the morning, but that morning, all he can see are his too-pink lips and the faint sight of his teeth. Sousuke's attracted to the vulnerability painted on his face, wanting to kiss him until he can't breathe -to leave Rin gasping and gripping his shoulder blades like he wants to tear into the muscles and push his fingers into the deepest parts of himself. 

If there was anyone he'd concede his body to like that, it'd be Rin, but he avoids waking him up and instead memorizes with his fingertips the way that the texture on Rin's lips differs from the flesh along his chin. The lower his touch moves, the more he can feel the gentle lines and ridges lined up along his throat and how his adam's apple shifts with each in-drawn breath. The curve of it always invites his teeth to bite down, hold it imprisoned so his tongue could push up against it while bruising the pale skin there, and Rin's veins look like tiny highways, colored stark blue when the angle of his head is tilted back this far. They splay out desperately beneath his skin, bulging and accosting Sousuke's gaze until he's running his fingers over them too, just to feel the dull and gentle throb of them. When he reaches his collar bone, he meets the sharpness of it, the way the edge juts out against his fingertips, and he kisses it with all the gentleness he can muster. 

His lips finally land on the leather cord around his neck where the charms of Rin's now frayed bracelet sit. They dangle lightly, a shark and a whale shark lying together, and he closes his teeth around it to taste the metal on the tip of his tongue before tugging it lightly and wishing Rin would wake up quicker so he could hold him to the mattress and kiss him like he wants to, unwilling to let him out of the bed for the rest of the day. He doubts Rin would go for that because he always wants to go out and do something dramatic and spectacular to celebrate a day that only has any meaning when he spends it with Rin. 

It doesn't matter what they're doing or where. If he's with him, he'll be happy, a fact that he's yet to fully imprint into Rin's cluttered mind regardless of how many times he'd tried to make him come last night just so he could take this year off and do nothing with him. Absolutely nothing. 

"You're a pain," Sousuke breathes out when he releases the charms and watches them fall onto his chest, the shine of them more pronounced now that they're stained with his saliva. 

Rin twitches like he might wake up at those words, but he curls up tighter instead, looking every bit like a cat in repose rather than the shark he purports himself to be in the water. Sousuke would capture it on camera, but he's not going to move to look for his phone so he etches the memory into his brain instead and settles more closely along Rin's back, pulling him backwards until his spine digs into his own chest and until he can feel himself sinking back to sleep like this with Rin's breath sounding far sweeter than hearing him wish him 'Happy Birthday' in a quiet, sleep-laden voice all those years ago.


	10. Sousuke's 26th Birthday

"Never thought I'd be spending another birthday in the hospital." 

Yeah, neither did Rin, but here they are. At least, they're in the maternity ward this time, though Rin hadn't expected any of this to happen either. Behind the glass is a red-haired, red-faced baby screaming at the top of his lungs with almost enough force to make the windows crack he's sure, and Rin can't stop staring like he's seeing the next few chapters of his life being torn out abruptly and tossed over his shoulder. 

His stomach hasn't stopped quaking, though he can't tell if it's anxiety or excitement, and the more he stares, the more his vision blurs erratically until he can't see anything at all. He's barely aware when his forehead touches the glass and the tears slip down over the surface, staining it. His whole body shakes with the effort to control his sobs, and Sousuke's hand is instantly on his back, soothing him as he pushes it down along his spine like he's petting a frazzled cat. 

"Come on, Rin, I'm sure he's happy to see you, too. Babies are usually fussy. Besides, you'll be an amazing uncle." 

It's not that he doubts that at all. Rin knows he'll spoil the kid rotten and be the one cheering the loudest at his swim meets. Okay, second loudest considering Seijuurou's the father. But seeing the little guy wriggling his way into life already and looking afraid of the big tall world around him, reminds him how much time had passed by in a single blink. He feels like it was just yesterday his father was ruffling his hair before leaving on his fishing trip, smiling down at him and telling him not to cry. _He'll be back in no time_. 

And if that was yesterday, then just a few hours ago, he was delivering his sister to the Mikoshiba clan and letting Seijuurou unload an obscene amount of sappy vows on her, most of which even Rin had been embarrassed by. Now, he's standing here, thinking it's still too soon, and that's his little sister he knocked up. He never thought she'd get to experience all these things before himself, but the reality had become painfully clear after a time that he'd never be able to put Sousuke on his family register and that the two of them wouldn't even be able to adopt in their home country if they got the urge. They could use a surrogate, but it would cost an exorbitant amount of money. Not to mention the child would only have one of their genes and only one of their last names. 

There are so many things that they'll never experience and that he'll watch others embrace and enjoy, and while he's happy for Gou, he's feeling for the first time in a long time that his own future is skewing into an uncertain and frightening trajectory. Will Sousuke still be there for him everyday ten or twenty years now if they don't make that promise official? Will he consider him as much as family as he and Gou already consider him? Would he show up here in the hospital with him at 3 a.m. in the morning every time Seijuurou decides to put babies in his sister, a fact that still keeps him awake at night. 

His thoughts wrap around his mind too tightly for him to be aware of the moment when Sousuke draws him from the glass and pushes his face into his own shoulder. There's a hand warm and strong on the back of his hair, the weight of it pressing onto his scalp, and Rin forgets that they're in public and that there are nurses passing by at the moment, watching the two of them embrace. It doesn't seem to matter at all in that very second when Rin wants to drown in some kind of assurance that Sousuke still shares his dream no matter what a mess it's become at this point. With all those medals in his room, competition only interests him as a hobby. What he really wants is a place to come home to now, though how long will it be in this place? There has to be a higher height summit they can reach that surpasses even his own Olympic-sized dreams. 

"Are you all right? You haven't said anything in a while…" 

Sousuke's happy expression from before has fallen to something more crushed and worried in a matter of seconds, and Rin knows he's to blame, sobbing like crazy when the guy had admitted years ago how much he hated seeing him cry. If he could hold it back, he would, but the outpour of emotions is too strong. He's simultaneously really happy at the bundle of screams just a few feet away but also distressed by the fact that this might be as far as they can go. 

His fingers curl along the back of Sousuke's jacket, and he covers the fabric in more snot and tears than Sousuke probably wants to deal with. They only subside after a few soothing strokes, and Sousuke refuses to let him go until he stops completely. Unlike himself, he never gets self-conscious about holding him in public or being inside his personal space. He's impenetrable against the questioning stares, standing solid and insurmountable at the moment while Rin pulls himself together. 

His hand brushes at his own eyes before Sousuke gently stops him, cups his face, and uses both thumbs to wipe the space under his bottom lashes. 

"Sorry," Rin whispers, embarrassment settling in now that he's regaining awareness of himself and his surroundings. "I didn't think he'd be born this soon." 

"He's just two weeks early." 

"No, I mean, I didn't think Gou would have her first kid so close after they got married, and it's-" 

_-happening too fast._ His shoulders deflate a bit, not sure if he can explain the sentiment fully. To Sousuke who's been back and forth with his dreams, it should make some sense, but he hasn't seemed afraid or uncertain in so long. He's always wondered why, but then again, this is the guy who hasn't taken off a dorky bracelet he got for him in nine years. It's worn but stable on his wrist while Rin's had fallen apart until he could only keep the two charms on his necklace. 

"Are you sad you didn't get to have one, first. That we can't …-you and I?" 

Sousuke points from himself to Rin, and Rin shakes his head, quite certain that's not exactly the root of the problem. It's not as though he's suddenly wishing Sousuke was a woman. He's fine the way he is, and Rin is pretty sure he can't switch sexual preference as easy as he can transfer schools. 

"It's not that. I don't want kids right now." 

He moves back to look at Sousuke more squarely, though the weight of his eyes on him is a little unbearable when Sousuke looks like he's expecting to hit him with something terrible at the moment. 

"Then what?" 

The question it all boils down. What does he want? What does _Sousuke_ want? Are they intersecting points on a straight line? Are they running parallel to one another? Are they twisting around each other so tightly that pulling them apart would unravel everything? Who knows at this point because it's the question he hasn't asked in nine years since they reunited, fearing what the answer would be eventually. 

"If I said let's move again tomorrow, would you come with me?" 

That question catches Sousuke off-guard, and he frowns and glances at the baby. "What's with this now? Isn't it a bit sudden to be moving again?"

"It is, but-" Rin pauses and shakes his head, fingers digging into his palms as he wrestles with his words, "-I can't marry you here or even fully marry you in Australia, in most places even. I can't have a life with you. That's all I can think of right now." 

Sousuke's eyes widen as much as possible, looking completely shocked. It's not often Rin can incite that response from someone so cool and collected normally, and he'd be more gratified by it if it their future wasn't hanging delicately above them by mere threads. Whatever is going on in Sousuke's mind isn't immediately apparent in his eyes, either, watching them move to the floor while he considers his words. The seconds tick a little too loudly in the clock mounted in the hospital wall, the sound suddenly maddening when he's waiting for Sousuke to say something. _Anything._

Then Sousuke looks at the baby swaddled up before finally murmuring,"Even after all these years, you're still someone who would pick everything up and suddenly disappear to suit your whims. Have you even thought about what you'd do, where you'd live, how you'd get citizenship?" 

Those were sobering, rational words but not the ones Rin wants to hear right now. His eyes narrow slightly as he feels his resolve grow in the face of Sousuke's surging doubts. "Weren't you the one who left his life in Tokyo to move back for me? Then Japan to move to Australia? And now you're saying this is too much? What were you thinking of doing from here on out? Were we going to stay as roommates forever?" 

His hands are curled so tightly that he can feel his nails eating into his palms, and his arms shake a little from the pressure as his advance forces Sousuke to back up until he hits the glass. "You can't accept fate as it comes to you, Sousuke! Why would you settle for any less than what you want?!" 

He can hear his own voice starting to reverberate in the halls, and before he can keep going, Sousuke's palm clamps around his lips, silencing him completely. 

" _Take it easy_. That's enough. Let's talk outside if you're going to get like this." 

Rin manages to calm down enough to realize that yes, they are in a very public space with too many eyes on them. He's already caused a scene, and the last thing he needs is to be kicked out of the maternity ward on his sister's special day. She's still expecting them to return to her room once she wakes up, so he deflates enough to let Sousuke lead them outside into the small fountain area. 

His hand sits on Rin's arm, holding him firmly as he stares him down like Rin is the one who needs to own up to his own words at the moment. "Were you realistically expecting to leave tomorrow?" 

"Obviously not, but I didn't expect you to say no like that." 

"I didn't say no. I questioned you because, _if_ I said no, would that mean you'd end up leaving me behind again?" 

Rin gives him a furious look for even suggesting that would even be an option by now. Is that the part he's most worried about? That he'd leave him behind again after having returned to him dozens of times before. In spite of the numerous competitions that whisked him to every corner of the globe, the person who always made the idea of home real and consistent for him is Sousuke. It's been like that for years. Haru may have been the one to expand the universe for him, but Sousuke is the one who grounded him inside of it and kept him from flying too far outside of it. He doesn't know how to brand that into his head by now, but he refuses to keep letting Sousuke harbor that thought. 

"I'm not going anywhere without you. Don't _you_ get that by now? That's why I asked!" His hands are around Sousuke's upper arms by now, clutching him with urgency, "Besides, the whole reason I even wanted to move in the first place was to marry you. _I want to marry you_. Do you get what I'm saying?"

It seems to hit Sousuke at that moment with the full force of a freight ship capsizing him violently because he stands there in a stupor once those words are out. His whole body looks like it's been flung off the highest level of the hospital and is now facing the aftermath of the sheer force of impact it had with the ground. 

"…You're proposing?" 

In a matter of speaking, though Rin doesn't even really know if he is. They've never exactly discussed it, and this would be a bad way to do it officially. He always figured it'd be something more pre-planned and extravagant and not him yelling out his frustrations like he's still seventeen and fighting his way through hormones and high school problems. 

"Maybe," Rin murmurs, feeling his self-consciousness rise as his hand makes a move to slide to the back of his neck, but Sousuke stops him for once and grips Rin's face, preventing him from looking away. 

"Is this what you really want?" 

His hand is tight around his skin, holding him hostage, and as much as Rin wants to brush it off like it's nothing, he knows Sousuke won't let him this time. What does he even say now when he's being put on the spot? 

"One day…," he finally chokes out after a moment, forcing the words out as he tries to seriously consider it and not let himself get carried away, "not now obviously. But one day. I want to know we have the option, at least. Isn't that something worth fighting for?" 

Sousuke's eyes run over his face, seemingly lingering on it as more thoughts get tossed around in his head. Rin still can't put together how he really feels about the situation when he's not spelling it out plainly, but he assumes he's not upset by that response. It's as logical and honest of one as he can muster. 

"Then say it to me properly when you get to that point. You never think about anything thoroughly and get carried away. You're too old to be behaving that rashly and impulsively. I'll go anywhere with you in the world. I'll follow you as long as you want me to. I'll always be there when you call and ask me to. That will never change, Rin." 

Sousuke's fingers slip from their grip and shift along Rin's hair, moving over his scalp and pushing in against his flesh. The rough pads of them are comforting where they sit against him, and Rin can feel himself being eased closer, drawn to the sheer emotions now being animated onto Sousuke's face. His heart pushes up against his chest too quick, and he presses his lips a little clumsily against Sousuke's, wanting to feel the weight of those words spelled right into his mouth and carved into the edge of his flesh by his teeth. 

But the touch is fleeting, and Sousuke's smiling when he pulls away. 

"Ah, I get it," Rin finally murmurs, feeling like the weight that had been pushing down on him a moment ago inside of that hospital is being lifted, and he can breathe a little more easily. It's the best kind of assurance he can get for now that there is a future somewhere still waiting for them out there. Sousuke hasn't given up, and Rin sure as hell doesn't plan on giving up. It does't matter how far he has to run to get it, but as long as he's not alone… 

Sousuke's hand slides against his, fitting neatly into his palm before squeezing, "Let's go back inside so you can meet your nephew properly, huh?"

"Hopefully, he's not yelling at the top of his lungs still. He's already proving himself to be more Mikoshiba than Matsuoka." 

"I think given the amount of times he's cried since we got here, I'd say he's more Matsuoka than Mikoshiba." 

"Hey-! I already stopped," Rin protests as he kicks Sousuke lightly. 

He then feels a gentle squeeze around his hand as Sousuke laughs and tugs him along, and the charms of Sousuke's bracelet brush lightly over his own palm as they swing back and forth. For now, this much is okay, so long as he can see Sousuke's carefree smile and feel the weight of his fingers embracing his own.

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this so long ago for Sousuke's birthday since I wanted to write some adorable future fic to compensate for the ambiguous ending the anime gave him, and then the fic sprouted limbs like cthulu, so it became the fic version of cthulu. It truly turned out way larger than I originally was aiming for and possibly more rambly than anything should be. At any rate, I somehow finished it, so here you go. Ten parts of unnecessary Sousuke & Rin fluff. 
> 
> Please enjoy, and thank you for reading if you manage to make it through all that!


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